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The line graph below shows the population size, birth and death rate of England and Wales from 1700 to 2000.

The line graph below shows the population size, birth and death rate of England and Wales from 1700 to 2000. jpaM
The charts illustrate the size of population and the rate of death and birth of people in England and Wales between 1700 and 2000. Overall, it is evident that the proportion of individuals increased whereas birth and death rates fluctuated throughout the period. With regardas to population size, it was negligable in 1700. By 1800, it had rose to 10 million. In 1900, the size of population grow significantly around 35 million. In the ending year, it was registered 50 million. Turning to birth rate, it accounted for 30 per 1000 per people in the initial year, and then experienced a two fold rise in 1800. In comarison of death rate, which was around 26 per 1000 people and below 40 in the same year. In 900, the rate of birth decreased to approximately 33 per 1000 people before increasing to 35 per 1000 people in 2000, Death rate declined from 1900 to 2000, exhibited at 20 per 1000 people, that had a difference of 15 per people than birth rate.
The charts illustrate the size of population and the
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rate
of death and
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birth
of
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people
in England and Wales between 1700 and 2000.
Overall
, it is evident that the proportion of individuals increased whereas
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birth
and death
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rates
fluctuated throughout the period. With
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regardas
to population size, it was
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negligable
in 1700. By 1800, it had
Use the past participle "risen" after the modal (auxiliary) verb 'had'.
rose
to 10 million. In 1900, the size of population grow
significantly
around 35 million. In the ending year, it
was registered
50 million. Turning to
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birth
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rate
, it accounted for 30 per 1000 per
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people
in the initial year, and then experienced a
The adjective or adverb 'twofold' needs to be written as one word.
two fold
rise in 1800. In
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comarison
of death
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rate
, which was around 26 per 1000
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people
and below 40 in the same year. In 900, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of
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birth
decreased to approximately 33 per 1000
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people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
increasing to 35 per 1000
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people
in 2000, Death
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rate
declined from 1900 to 2000, exhibited at 20 per 1000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, that had a difference of 15 per
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
birth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
.
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IELTS academic The line graph below shows the population size, birth and death rate of England and Wales from 1700 to 2000.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
171 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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Lexical Resource: 5.0
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Grammatical Range: 6.5
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Task Achievement: 5.0
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