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The chart below shows the different levels of past school qualifications in Australia and the proportion of men and women who held them in 1999.

The chart below shows the different levels of past school qualifications in Australia and the proportion of men and women who held them in 1999. qrgP
The bar graph illustrates the various levels of post school qualifications in Australia and the proportion of males and females which was held in 1999. Overall, Men had the largest proportion of skilled vocational diploma than any other courses. Most of the males had done the skilled vocational qualification which is the largest and the lowest proportion of females on the same course. In comparison both the undergraduate diploma women and postgraduate men was of same proportion 70% in each but the undergraduate diploma males has different with the postgraduate diploma that is 35% and 30% respectively. Similarly, masters degree has done by the most proportion of males than by the female whereas bachelor's degree had the less proportion of gaps between the men and women in 1999. At last, more males had done skilled vocational diploma than any other courses but most of the females was more undergraduate diploma.
The bar graph illustrates the various levels of post school qualifications in Australia and the
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proportion
of
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males
and
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females
which
was held
in 1999.

Overall
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Men
had the largest
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proportion
of skilled vocational
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diploma
than any other courses.

Most of the
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males
had done the skilled vocational qualification which is the largest and the lowest
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proportion
of
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females
on the same course. In
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
comparison
both the undergraduate
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diploma
women and postgraduate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
was of same
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proportion
70% in each
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the undergraduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diploma
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
has
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different
with the postgraduate
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diploma
that is
35% and 30%
respectively
.

Similarly
,
For an academic degree, use "master’s".
masters
degree has done by the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
than by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
whereas bachelor's degree had the less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of gaps between the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women in 1999.

At last, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
had done skilled vocational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diploma
than any other courses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
was more undergraduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diploma
.
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IELTS academic The chart below shows the different levels of past school qualifications in Australia and the proportion of men and women who held them in 1999.

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
150 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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