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The Line graph below gives Information About COVID-19 cases in Hanoi and Ho Chi Minh from February 2021 to July 2021

The Line graph below gives Information About COVID-19 cases in Hanoi and Ho Chi Minh from February 2021 to July 2021 YyGwB
The given line graph depicts information about the number of COVID-19 cases in two cities, namely Hanoi and Ho Chi Minh over the period of 6 months from February 2021 to July 2021. As can be inferred from the graph, the number of COVID-19 cases in Ho Chi Minh remained stable from February to May. But from June onward, COVID-19 cases in Ho Chi Minh city went up and reached a peak in July. Meanwhile, the COVID-19 patients in Hanoi fluctuated prior to its wild rise in July. The period from February to May saw a fluctuation in the percentage of COVID-19 patients in both of these cities. More specifically, there was dropped from 50 to almost 200 patients. But by the end of June, there had been a sharply rose which the onset of the explosion in COVID-19 cases.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
line graph depicts information about the number of COVID-19 cases in two cities,
namely
Hanoi and Ho Chi Minh over the period of 6 months from February 2021 to July 2021.

As can
be inferred
from the graph, the number of COVID-19 cases in Ho Chi Minh remained stable from February to May.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
from June onward, COVID-19 cases in
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Ho Chi Minh city
went up and reached a peak in July. Meanwhile, the COVID-19 patients in Hanoi fluctuated prior to its wild rise in July.

The period from February to May
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a fluctuation in the percentage of COVID-19 patients in both of these cities. More
specifically
, there
was dropped
from 50 to almost 200 patients.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of June, there had been a
You used an adverb ('sharply') instead of an adjective, or a noun ('rose') instead of another adjective.
sharply rose
which the onset of the explosion in COVID-19 cases.
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IELTS academic The Line graph below gives Information About COVID-19 cases in Hanoi and Ho Chi Minh from February 2021 to July 2021

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
140 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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