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The line below gives the proportion of UK audiences watching television and listening to radio in a day

The line below gives the proportion of UK audiences watching television and listening to radio in a day W0Me
The line chart gives a conclusion of survey about the proportion of UK audiences who were 4-years old watching television and listening to radio in 24 hours during a day in the last quarter of 1992. It is clear that the majority of people enjoy listening to radio in the morning while in the evening, the number of citizens prefer watching TV. Over the 24-hour period, civilians tend to watch television than listen to radio. Regarding television, there was under 10% of people watching TV at 1 am. This figure was more or less stable until 11 am, though there were some slight shifts. For using TV sets, growth was dramatical in the afternoon before peaking at 45% at around 21 pm. After that time, there was a sharp drop in viewers to under 20% by midnight. Turning into radio, the percentage of listeners to radio also began low at under 5%. After staying at under 5%, the rate of listening to radio rose rapidly to a peak of almost 30% at about 8 am. From that point, the proportion of audience plummeted remarkably at the end of day, at 5%.
The line chart gives a conclusion of survey about the proportion of UK audiences who were 4-years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
watching television and listening to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
radio
in 24 hours during a day in the last quarter of 1992.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
enjoy listening to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
radio
in the morning while in the evening, the number of citizens prefer watching TV. Over the 24-hour period, civilians tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
television than listen to radio.

Regarding television, there was under 10% of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
watching TV at 1 am. This figure was more or less stable until 11 am, though there were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
slight shifts. For using TV sets, growth was
Possible spelling mistake found.
dramatical
in the afternoon
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
peaking at 45% at around 21 pm. After that time, there was a sharp drop in viewers to under 20% by midnight.

Turning into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
radio
, the percentage of listeners to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
radio
also
began low at under 5%. After staying at under 5%, the rate of listening to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
radio
rose
rapidly
to a peak of almost 30% at about 8 am. From that point, the proportion of audience plummeted
remarkably
at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of day, at 5%.
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IELTS academic The line below gives the proportion of UK audiences watching television and listening to radio in a day

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
191 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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