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the intake of milk in an European country in a particular week and high and low fat alternatives of milk and butter in the people of different age groups.

the intake of milk in an European country in a particular week and high and low fat alternatives of milk and butter in the people of different age groups. aAom7
The above table bestow the light upon the intake of milk in an European country in a particular week and high and low fat alternatives of milk and butter in the people of different age groups. Overall, milk and butter being consumed by each and every age group of people. As it is a great of protein but also provide fat. It is noticed that with the increase in age of people the consumption of milk has increased whereas that of butter has decreased. If we take in regard to people having milk, it depicts that people under the age of 25 consume 1235ml of milk only in comparison to the people within the age of 25 and 44 consumes 1857 ml of milk. And in regard to people within age of 45 and 64, the consumption of milk is 1887 ml whereas the people of more than 65 consumes 2106 ml of milk. It is noted that people till the age of 64 got high fat with the decrement of 2% each and low fat has got increament by 2% each. But there is a sudden decrease of 14% In high fat and the same percentage increase in low fat in people of 65yrs as compared to previous age groups. In regard to butter, people under the age of 25 consumed the most amount i. e. 91mg and got highest fat in all other groups that is 48% with low fat of 52%. Between the age of 25 and 64 the consumption was 51 and the high fat was 36% and low fat was 64%. Whereas people between the age of 45 and 64 consumed 37mg which is 14g more that the people of years of 65+ of age. And the high fat has also decreased by 1 % from 2 8 to 27 percent. Whereas the low fat ha increased by 1 % from 72% to 73%.
The above table bestow the light upon the intake of
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milk
in
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
European country in a particular week and
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high
and
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low
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fat
alternatives of
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milk
and
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butter
in the
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people
of
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different
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age
groups.
Overall
,
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milk
and
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butter
being consumed
by each and every
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age
group of
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people
. As it is a great of protein
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but
also
provide
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fat
. It
is noticed
that with the increase in
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age
of
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people
the consumption of
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milk
has increased whereas that of
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butter
has decreased.

If we take in regard to
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people
having
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milk
, it depicts that
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people
under the
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age
of 25 consume 1235ml of
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milk
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in comparison
to the
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people
within the
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age
of 25 and 44 consumes 1857 ml of
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milk
. And in regard to
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people
within
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age
of 45 and 64, the consumption of
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milk
is 1887 ml whereas the
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people
of more than 65 consumes 2106 ml of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
milk
. It
is noted
that
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people
till the
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age
of 64
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
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high
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fat
with the decrement of 2% each and
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low
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fat
has
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got
Possible spelling mistake found.
increament
by 2% each.
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But
there is a sudden decrease of 14% In
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high
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fat
and the same percentage increase in
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low
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fat
in
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people
of 65yrs as compared to previous
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age
groups.

In regard to
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butter
,
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people
under the
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age
of 25 consumed the most amount
There should be no space here: "i.e.".
i. e.
Insert a space between the numerical value and the unit symbol "91 mg"
91mg
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
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fat
in all other groups
that is
48% with
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low
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fat
of 52%. Between the
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age
of 25 and 64 the consumption was 51 and the
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high
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fat
was 36% and
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low
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fat
was 64%. Whereas
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people
between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 45 and 64 consumed
Insert a space between the numerical value and the unit symbol "37 mg"
37mg
which is 14g more that the
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people
of years of 65+ of
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age
. And the
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high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fat
has
also
decreased by 1 % from 2 8 to 27 percent.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
low
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fat
ha increased by 1 % from 72% to 73%.
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IELTS academic the intake of milk in an European country in a particular week and high and low fat alternatives of milk and butter in the people of different age groups.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
319 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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