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The information regarding export earning in two different year

The information regarding export earning in two different year o6m8K
The information about the value of one nation's export in numerous categories during two span period is depicted by rendered bar chart. The data has been calibrated in billions. Overall, it is vividly manifested that petroleum product had highest export earning while textile had to lowest earning from overseas. To begin with, in 2015 petroleum product had 62 % export earning which rose upto 3%in 2016. Moreover their was dramatic increase observed in engineered goods in both the span, it is accounted for 57% and 62% respectively. furthermore, a decrease trend had been seen in export earning of gems and jewellery 43% in 2015 and decrease upto 2% in 2016. Whereas, the export earning of agriculture products was almost similar in both the year. Finally, textile product had less earning from export as compare to other categories which is comprised to 25%in 2015 and 33%in 2016 respectively. Surprisingly, in every category a export earning had increased year by year
The information about the value of one nation's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
export
in numerous categories during two span period
is depicted
by rendered bar chart. The data has
been calibrated
in billions.

Overall
, it is
vividly
manifested that petroleum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
had
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
export
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earning
while textile had to
A determiner is probably missing here: "the lowest".
lowest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earning
from overseas.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, in 2015 petroleum
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product
had 62 %
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
export
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earning
which rose
Possible spelling mistake found.
upto
3%in 2016.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
Did you mean "there"?
their
was dramatic increase observed in engineered
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
in both the span, it
is accounted
for 57% and 62%
respectively
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
furthermore
, a decrease trend had been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in
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export
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earning
of gems and
Possible spelling mistake. 'jewellery' is British English.
jewellery
43% in 2015 and decrease
Possible spelling mistake found.
upto
2% in 2016.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
export
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earning
of agriculture
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products
was almost similar in both the year.
Finally
, textile
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product
had less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earning
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
export
as compare to other categories which
is comprised
to 25%in 2015 and 33%in 2016
respectively
.
Surprisingly
, in every category
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
export
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earning
had increased year by year
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IELTS academic The information regarding export earning in two different year

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
158 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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