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the information about world population

the information about world population N8gGg
The two pie chart provide an information concerning the world population in seven regions such as North America, Europe and Asia Pacific in 1900 and 2000 As can be seen from both of the pie charts, the changing proportion of population significantly rose from 1. 6 billion to 6 billion. In the both year studied, the highest percentage of the population was Asia Pacific. It is clearly seen from the graph that the quantity of population in two regions: Africa and Latin America slightly increased. The percentage of people in Africa boost up from 4% in 1900 to 10% in 2000. In Latin America, the number of population in 2000 also increased 5% compared with the population in 1900. Moreover, the two pie charts also show a decreased number of population in Asia Pacific and Europe. The Asian population slightly dropped from 60% to 54% and the European population declined from 25% to 14%. On the other hand, The number of population in North America in 1900 and 2000 was roughly the same. In addition, the notable difference between the two year surveyed is the percentage of Middle East and North Africa which shown only in 2000 with 6%.
The two pie chart provide an information concerning the world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
in seven regions such as North America, Europe and Asia Pacific in 1900 and 2000

As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from both of the pie charts, the changing proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
significantly
rose from 1. 6 billion to 6 billion. In the both year studied, the highest percentage of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
was Asia Pacific.

It is
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the graph that the quantity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
in two regions: Africa and Latin America
slightly
increased. The percentage of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in Africa boost up from 4% in 1900 to 10% in 2000. In Latin America, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
in 2000
also
increased 5% compared with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
in 1900.
Moreover
, the two pie charts
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
a decreased number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
in Asia Pacific and Europe. The Asian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
slightly
dropped from 60% to 54% and the European
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
declined from 25% to 14%.

On the other hand
, The number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
in North America in 1900 and 2000 was roughly the same.
In addition
, the notable difference between the two year surveyed is the percentage
A determiner is probably missing here: "of the Middle East".
of Middle East
and North Africa which shown
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in 2000 with 6%.
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IELTS academic the information about world population

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
199 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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