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The Increasing of the Population Aged 65 and Above

The Increasing of the Population Aged 65 and Above rj5m
The number of population has been increasing nowadays. These numbers could be found from data population of the three countries, such as Canada, Germany, and UK. In 1988, UK had 14. 23 percent of the population aged 65 and above. Along with it, there was Canada had 16. 32 in percentage. The highest percentage was in Germany with percentage of population aged more than 65 years old was 20. 45. At the beginnig of 21th century, in 2000, the population's percentage aged 65 and above increased in these countries. The lowest percentage was in UK with 14. 89 percent. It raised a little in several years. Then, Canada raised a lot in the past twelve years became 20. 67 percent. And Germany was gained more with percentage of 25. 32. From these data, it could be predicted the numbers of population would increase more. In 2030, percentage in UK predicted to be 20. 35, in Canada would be 26. 35, and in Germany would become 30. 42. These numbers predicted to be increase more.
The
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number
of
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population
has been increasing nowadays. These
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numbers
could
be found
from data
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population
of the three countries, such as Canada, Germany, and UK. In 1988, UK had 14. 23 percent of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
aged 65 and above. Along with it, there was Canada had 16. 32 in
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percentage
. The highest
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percentage
was in Germany with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
aged more than 65 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
was 20. 45.

At the
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beginnig
of
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21th
century, in 2000, the population's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
aged 65 and above increased in these countries. The lowest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
was in UK with 14. 89 percent. It raised a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
in several years. Then, Canada raised a lot in the past twelve years became 20. 67 percent. And Germany
was gained
more with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of 25. 32.

From these data, it could
be predicted
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
numbers
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
would increase more. In 2030,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
in UK predicted to be 20. 35, in Canada would be 26. 35, and in Germany would become 30. 42. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
numbers
predicted to be increase more.
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IELTS academic The Increasing of the Population Aged 65 and Above

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
174 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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