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The households energy usage and gas emission

The households energy usage and gas emission mLEDd
A glance at these charts shows that the energy usage and consequently it's greenhouse gas emission in Australia. the first pie-chart is indicating how people use the energy and the proportions of different parts is well-showed; as you can see the heating session is the dominant energy consumer whereas in contrast the share of cooling is the least one. on the another side the second pie-chart is talking about greenhouse gas which can be produced by households and just like previous chart the water-heating has a notable share in gas emissions but here it has the top rank other appliances at Australian households has occupied the second spot of gas emission and at the nadir cooling part share is situated in overall regarding these two pie-charts will explain the shares of energies usage means at first one we observe the percentage of greenhouse gas emission and at second chart But both of the heating and water heating sessions represent the main shares in each part
A glance at these charts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
usage and
consequently
it's greenhouse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emission
in Australia.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
first
pie-chart is indicating how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
and the proportions of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
parts is well-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
; as you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the heating session is the dominant
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energy
consumer whereas
in contrast
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
of cooling is the least one.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
on
the another side the second pie-chart is talking about greenhouse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
which can
be produced
by households and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
like previous chart the water-heating has a notable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emissions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
here it has the top rank other appliances at Australian households has occupied the second spot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emission
and at the nadir cooling part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
is situated
in
overall
regarding these two pie-charts will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shares
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energies
usage means at
first
one we observe the percentage of greenhouse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emission
and at second chart
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
both of the heating and water heating sessions represent the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shares
in each
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
part

IELTS academic The households energy usage and gas emission

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
164 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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