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the growth of computer ownership in 2002-2010

the growth of computer ownership in 2002-2010 gGjAg
The charts above illustrate the growth of computer ownership over the years. The first graph shows the overall trend of owning a computer in a population from 2002 to 2010. The second one specifically demonstrates the changes in the proportion of computer ownership according to education level between 2002 and 2010. Overall, there is a gradual increase in the total of computer ownership in a time span of 8 years. Another trend found is that there is a correlation between education level and the computer ownership. As seen in the first graph, the total portion of people who own a computer has grown at roughly 20% in 2010 from less than 60% in 2002. Hence, it is approximately 1 among 5 people who do not have a computer in 2010. There are five education categories observed in the second bar graph: No high school diploma, High school graduate, College (incomplete), Bachelor's degree, and postgraduate qualification. It appears that the group of people with higher education level tends own a computer than those with lower categories. However, a greater progression in terms of the computer ownership percentage between 2002 and 2010 seems to happen in the lower levels of education.
The charts above illustrate the growth of computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ownership
over the years. The
first
graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the
overall
trend of owning a computer in a population from 2002 to 2010.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
second one
specifically
demonstrates the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the proportion of computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ownership
according to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
between 2002 and 2010.

Overall
, there is a gradual increase in the total of computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ownership
in a time span of 8 years. Another trend found is that there is a correlation between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
and the computer ownership.

As
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the
first
graph, the total portion of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
a computer has grown at roughly 20% in 2010 from less than 60% in 2002.
Hence
, it is approximately 1 among 5
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who do not have a computer in 2010.

There are five
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
categories observed in the second bar graph: No high school diploma, High school graduate, College (incomplete), Bachelor's degree, and postgraduate qualification. It appears that the group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
tends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
a computer than those with lower categories.
However
, a greater progression in terms of the computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ownership
percentage between 2002 and 2010 seems to happen in the lower
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
levels
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
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IELTS academic the growth of computer ownership in 2002-2010

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
199 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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