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The graph below shows information on employment rates across 6 countries in 1995 and 2005.

The bar graph illustrates the proportion of employment rates over six countries in 1995 and 2005. The scale is in percentage. Overall, the number of male employees are was the highest in both years. However, in contrast, female employers rate increased than the previous year. So, switzerland and iceland was the most popular nations among other countries in employment. To begin with, in 1995, the maximum employment rate was of males in iceland at just above 80%, followed by switezerland with a percentage of slightly less than 80%. Huge variations can be observed in Australia and Newzealand with a difference of almost 30% in rates of men and women emplyed in both years. Furthermore, In all countries, males were employed quickly, more than their female employees, with the only exception being in the UK in 1995, where the employment rate of men and women were around 53% and 51% respectively.
The bar graph illustrates the proportion of employment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
over six countries in 1995 and 2005. The scale is in percentage.

Overall
, the number of male employees are
Consider using either the past participle “been” or the present participle “being” here.
was
the highest in both years.
However
,
in contrast
, female employers
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rate
increased than the previous year.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
switzerland
and
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iceland
was the most popular nations among other countries in employment.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, in 1995, the maximum employment
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rate
was of males in
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iceland
at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
above 80%, followed by
Possible spelling mistake found.
switezerland
with a percentage of
slightly
less than 80%. Huge variations can
be observed
in Australia and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Newzealand
with a difference of almost 30% in
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rates
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women
Possible spelling mistake found.
emplyed
in both years.

Furthermore
, In all countries, males
were employed
quickly
, more than their female employees, with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
exception being in the UK in 1995, where the employment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women were around 53% and 51%
respectively
.
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IELTS academic The graph below shows information on employment rates across 6 countries in 1995 and 2005.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
150 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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