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The graphs show figures relating to hours worked and stress levels amongst professionals in eight groups (Write at least 150 words)

The graphs show figures relating to hours worked and stress levels amongst professionals in eight groups () 1gqy
The two graphs highlight the information related to eight professionals. The bar chart illustrates the average working hours in a week. Where as pie chart provides percentages of people suffering from stress related illness amongst several jobs. Overall, business men has highest number of working hours. On contrast to that lecturers has least number of working hours per week. On the other hand, Lecturers suffered due to diseases which rated maximum percentages compared to rest occupations. People who are programmers were endure minimum sickness. Firstly, Business men are mostly busiest person compared to rest which recorded almost 70 hours worked per week. Following, number of working hours by movie producers, writers, and Doctors is about 60 hours, 45hours, and 50 hours per week respectively. Furthermore, chefs, Lawyers and programmers accounted under 40 hours per week. Finally, Lecturers don’t have to work more hours like seven profession does. Their number of working hours is about 35 hours per week and 5 hours per day. Moving in the pie chart, Lectures have given 25% which resulted highest proportion of sicknesses related to stress. Movie producers have high working hours as well as second highest percentage of disease people which set down 18%. Even though programmer involved average number of working hours, they have lowest illness people which given only 5%. In addition to that, Chefs writers and lawyers measured below 11%. Business men and Doctors have documented 11% and 15% sequentially
The two graphs highlight the information related to eight professionals. The bar chart illustrates the average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
.
Did you mean "Whereas"?
Where as
pie chart provides percentages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suffering from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
related illness amongst several jobs.

Overall
, business
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
has
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
. On contrast to that lecturers has
A determiner is probably missing here: "the least".
least
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
per
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
.
On the other hand
, Lecturers suffered due to diseases which rated maximum percentages compared to rest occupations.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who are programmers were
Consider using a past participle here: "endured".
endure
minimum sickness.

Firstly
, Business
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
are
mostly
A determiner is probably missing here: "the busiest".
busiest
person compared to rest which recorded almost 70
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
worked per
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
. Following,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
by movie producers, writers, and Doctors is about 60
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
45hours
, and 50
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
per
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
respectively
.
Furthermore
, chefs, Lawyers and programmers accounted under 40
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
per
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
.
Finally
, Lecturers don’t
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
like seven
Possible agreement error. The noun 'profession' seems to be countable, so consider using: "professions".
profession
does. Their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
is about 35
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
per
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
and 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
per day.

Moving in the pie chart, Lectures have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
25% which resulted
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
proportion of sicknesses related to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. Movie producers have high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
as well
as second highest percentage of disease
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
which set down 18%.
Even though
programmer involved average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
, they have
A determiner is probably missing here: "the lowest".
lowest
illness
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
5%.
In addition
to that, Chefs writers and lawyers measured below 11%. Business
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and Doctors have documented 11% and 15%
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
sequentially
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IELTS academic The graphs show figures relating to hours worked and stress levels amongst professionals in eight groups ()

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
238 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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