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The graphs below show the numbers of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the Republic of Freedonia. Write a report for a university teacher describing the information shown.

The given graphs describe how many men and women were employed in 6 job sectors in the Republic of Freedonia in both years 1975 and 1995. Overall, the majority of workers worked in the public sector (non-defence) in the Republic of Freedonia in both years while the least was in public sector defence. Furthermore, the number of men workers was larger than women in 1975, similarly in 1995 the male staff dominated except in two sectors which are communications and wholesale & retail trade. Units are measured in thousands. Regarding the graph, the number of man and woman workers were relatively stable in the manufacturing and public sector (defence) which are about 300. 000 and 650. 000 for woman workers respectively, while man workers were accounted for roughly 650. 000 and 850. 000 respectively. In the communications sector, around 250. 000 women worked in 1975, then this figured rose significantly to about 750. 000 in 1995. While man workers in communication sector were stood at approximately 300. 000 over the period given. Similarly, in wholesale & retail trade the number of female employees increased about 250. 000 over two decades whereas male employees were unchanged. Moreover, at the beginning of the year, the finance/banking sector contributed around 100. 000 female workers, after that this number climbed up dramatically to about 450. 000. Likewise, man workers rose slightly about 50. 000 over the period. In term of the public sector (defence), the number of man workers relatively steady at about 200. 000 in 1975 and 1995, meanwhile there was an increased in employed female just around 50. 000 over 20 years.
The
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given
graphs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
how
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many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women
were employed
in 6 job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
in the Republic of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Freedonia
in both years 1975 and 1995.

Overall
, the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
worked in the
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public
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sector
(
Possible spelling mistake found.
non-defence
) in the Republic of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Freedonia
in both years while the least was in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
Possible spelling mistake. ‘defence’ is British English.
defence
.
Furthermore
, the
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number
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
was larger than women in 1975,
similarly
in 1995 the male staff dominated except in two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
which are communications and wholesale & retail trade. Units
are measured
in thousands.

Regarding the graph, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
man
and woman
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
were
relatively
stable in the manufacturing and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
(
Possible spelling mistake. ‘defence’ is British English.
defence
) which are about 300. 000 and 650. 000 for woman
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workers
respectively
, while
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man
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workers
were accounted
for roughly 650.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
000
and 850.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
000
respectively
. In the communications
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
, around 250. 000 women worked in 1975, then this figured rose
significantly
to about 750. 000 in 1995.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
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man
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workers
in communication
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sector
were stood
at approximately 300. 000
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over
the period
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
.
Similarly
, in wholesale & retail trade the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of female employees increased about 250. 000
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over
two decades whereas male employees
were unchanged
.

Moreover
, at the beginning of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
, the finance/banking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
contributed around 100. 000 female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
, after that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
climbed up
dramatically
to about 450. 000.
Likewise
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
man
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
rose
slightly
about 50. 000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
the period.
Did you mean the commonly used phrase “In terms of”?
In term of
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
(
Possible spelling mistake. ‘defence’ is British English.
defence
), the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
man
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
relatively
steady at about 200. 000 in 1975 and 1995, meanwhile there was an increased in employed female
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
around 50. 000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
20 years.
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IELTS academic The graphs below show the numbers of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the Republic of Freedonia. Write a report for a university teacher describing the information shown.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • The graphs below show the numbers of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the Republic of Freedonia. Write a report for a university teacher describing the information shown.