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The graphs below show the number of medals won by the top five countries in summer and winter Olympics

The graphs below show the number of medals won by the top five countries in summer and winter Olympics jJAa
The graph gives the information about the medals which was won by five different countries during summer and winter olympics. Overall, Three countries, United states, Russia and Germany had won many of medals in both Olympics where as Norway and Canada was failed to got maximum medals in summer moreover Britan and France had not succeeded to win highest ranking medals during winter Olympics. Firstly, In winter Olympics Norway performing very well all time and succed to get more than 350 medals where as Russia manage to get almost 180 medals. And rest U. S, Russia and Canada had won almost 300, 250 and 200 medals respectively. Secondly, The consistency of United States to gain medals in summer is more compare to winter. They stood first in summer and got almost 2500 medal which was more than the sum of France and Britain. Germany misses second rank by almost 200 medals hence Russia was the second and had almost 1800 medals.
The graph gives the information about the
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medals
which
was won
by five
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries during
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summer
and
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winter
Possible spelling mistake found.
olympics
.

Overall
, Three countries,
The proper noun "United States" needs to be capitalized.
United states
, Russia and Germany had won
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of
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medals
in both Olympics
Did you mean "whereas"?
where as
Norway and Canada
was failed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
maximum
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medals
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
summer
moreover
Possible spelling mistake found.
Britan
and France had not succeeded to win
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
ranking
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medals
during
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winter
Olympics.

Firstly
, In
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winter
Olympics Norway performing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well all time and
Possible spelling mistake found.
succed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more than 350
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medals
Did you mean "whereas"?
where as
Russia manage to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
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almost
180
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medals
. And rest U. S, Russia and Canada had won
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almost
300, 250 and 200
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medals
respectively
.

Secondly
, The consistency
A determiner is probably missing here: "of the United States".
of United States
to gain
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medals
in
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summer
is more compare to
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winter
. They stood
first
in
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summer
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
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almost
2500
Possible agreement error. The noun 'medal' seems to be countable, so consider using: "medals".
medal
which was more than the sum of France and Britain. Germany misses second rank by
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almost
200
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medals
hence
Russia was the second and had
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almost
1800
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medals
.
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IELTS academic The graphs below show the number of medals won by the top five countries in summer and winter Olympics

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
161 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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