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The graphs below show the enrolments of overseas students and local students in Australian universities over a ten year period. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graphs below show the enrolments of overseas students and local students in Australian universities over a ten year period. rVjk
The graph illustrates the enrolments of overseas students and local students in Australian universities, measuring the number of commencing and total students from 2001 to 2010. Overall, the number of international students and local students are rose in total and commencing. Therefore, both international and local students are dominated by total students. Initially, all universities in Australia had 20, 000 worldwide students in 2001 in total, while in commencing type, there was around a half of those students in total. The number of total students and commencing students increased to 80, 000 and 40, 000 people in 2010, a rise of more than 20, 000 over ten years. There was a similar pattern for local students calculation, having total students as the majority with a fewer number for the commencing students. The number of commencing students were climbed from approximately 180, 000 to 220, 000 people before it dipped to around 190, 000 in 2005. However, the number of those students began to rise again in 2010, accounting for over 200. 000 learners. On the other hand, the total of local students rose from 400, 000 to 600, 000, having a rise of 200, 000 students over ten years.
The graph illustrates the
Possible spelling mistake. 'enrolments' is British English.
enrolments
of overseas
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students
and
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local
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students
in Australian universities, measuring the
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number
of
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commencing
and
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total
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students
from 2001 to 2010.

Overall
, the
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number
of international
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students
and
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local
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students
are rose in
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total
and
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commencing
.
Therefore
, both international and
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local
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students
are dominated
by
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total
students.

Initially
, all universities in Australia had 20, 000 worldwide
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students
in 2001 in
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total
, while in
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commencing
type, there was around a half of those
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students
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
total
. The
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number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
total
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students
and
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commencing
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students
increased to 80, 000 and 40, 000
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in 2010, a rise of more than 20, 000 over ten years.

There was a similar pattern for
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local
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "students'" or "student's"?
students
calculation, having
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total
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students
as the majority with a fewer
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number
for the
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commencing
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students
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commencing
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students
were climbed
from approximately 180, 000 to 220, 000
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
it dipped to around 190, 000 in 2005.
However
, the
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number
of those
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students
began to rise again in 2010, accounting for over 200. 000 learners.
On the other hand
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
total
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
rose from 400, 000 to 600, 000, having a rise of 200, 000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
over ten years.

IELTS academic The graphs below show the enrolments of overseas students and local students in Australian universities over a ten year period.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
199 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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