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Nothing to show anything without foot prints

Nothing to show anything without foot prints MJxL
The Pie chart gives the information about different age group watching television on different devices in Canada during the year 2009 and 2019. Overall, There was a dramatic change of preferences of devices like in 2019 maximum people uses mobile to watch T. V whereas, in year 2009 people were using conventional T. V. Firstly, In year 2009 bunch of people were using conventional Television for watching programs. 20% People were using Laptops and very little percentage of people used tablet for their favourite program. For example, 5% were using tablet, 8% were using flate tv, and rest 32% were using mobile phone and desktop computer. On the other hand, In the year 2019 almost one-Fourth part of the generation was watching their show via Flate TV and mobile phones whereas, the trend of conventional TV was changed occassionally from 32% to 4% during 2009 to 2019. Other were using tablet, desktop computer and laptop upto 19%, 12% and 12% respectively.
The Pie chart gives the information about
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different
age group watching television on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
devices in Canada during the
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year
2009 and 2019.

Overall
, There was a dramatic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
of preferences of devices like in 2019 maximum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
uses
mobile to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
T. V whereas, in
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year
2009
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people
were using conventional T. V.

Firstly
, In
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year
2009 bunch of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were using conventional Television for watching programs. 20%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
were using Laptops and
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very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
tablet for their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
program.
For example
, 5% were using tablet, 8% were using
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flate
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
, and rest 32% were using mobile phone and desktop computer.

On the other hand
, In the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2019 almost one-Fourth part of the generation was watching their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
via
Possible spelling mistake found.
Flate
TV and mobile phones whereas, the trend of conventional TV was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
Possible spelling mistake found.
occassionally
from 32% to 4% during 2009 to 2019. Other were using tablet, desktop computer and laptop
Possible spelling mistake found.
upto
19%, 12% and 12%
respectively
.
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IELTS academic Nothing to show anything without foot prints

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
161 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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