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The graphs below show the enrolments of overseas students and local students in Australian universities over a ten year period.

The graphs below show the enrolments of overseas students and local students in Australian universities over a ten year period. g2Qg
The graph represents the enrollments of overseas students and the local students in Australian universities over a ten year period from 2001 to 2010. The overseas students are enrolled more than the locan students when we compare. The Overseas students graph clearly shows that the total number of students are increasing year by year from 2001 to 2010, ranges from 20, 000 to 81, 000 approximately. And the commencing students are ranges from 10, 000 to 40, 500 approximately. Where as the Local students, the total number of students enrolled in 2001 are 40, 000 and gradually increases to more than 60, 000 students from 2007 to 2010. And the commencing students graph is not consistent. Finally, when both the Overseas students and Local students are compared, the more number of overseas students are enrolled comared to local students in Australian universities. In 2001, the Local students are enrolled more than Overseas students but in 2010 the Overseas students enrolled more than Local students.
The graph represents the enrollments of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overseas
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students
and the
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local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in Australian universities over a
When a number forms part of an adjectival compound, use a hyphen: "ten-year"
ten year
period from 2001 to 2010. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overseas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are enrolled
more than the
Possible spelling mistake found.
locan
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students
when we compare.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
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Overseas
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students
graph
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that the total number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are increasing year by year from 2001 to 2010, ranges from 20, 000 to 81, 000 approximately. And the commencing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are ranges from 10, 000 to 40, 500 approximately.

Did you mean "Whereas"?
Where as
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, the total number of
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students
enrolled in 2001 are 40, 000 and
gradually
increases to more than 60, 000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from 2007 to 2010. And the commencing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
graph is not consistent.

Finally
, when both the
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Overseas
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students
and
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Local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are compared
, the more number of
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overseas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are enrolled
Possible spelling mistake found.
comared
to
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local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in Australian universities. In 2001, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are enrolled
more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Overseas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in 2010 the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Overseas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
enrolled more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
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IELTS academic The graphs below show the enrolments of overseas students and local students in Australian universities over a ten year period.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
164 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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