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The graphs below show the enrolments of overseas students and local students in Australian universities over a ten year period. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graphs below show the enrolments of overseas students and local students in Australian universities over a ten year period. PYWB
The line graph reveals information regarding enrolments of overseas students and Australian students in Australian universities over a ten year period. The first line graph details enrolments of overseas students whereas second line graph details enrolments of local students. Overall, it can be seen from the line graph that increase over relevant period occured in overseas students reaching a peak of 80000 in 2010, while local students also witnessed increase till 2007 and then remains stable till 2010. As can be seen from the line graph that there was an upsurge in commencement of overseas students over a ten year period and reaches a peak of about 40000 in 2010. While the commencement of local students fluctuates over a ten year period and reaches a peak of 220000 in 2002. The number of local students in 2001 is 20 times greater than that of the overseas students. It can is clear that bulk number of enrolments is for local students compared to overseas students whose enrolments are 20 times lesser.
The
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line
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graph
reveals information regarding
Possible spelling mistake. 'enrolments' is British English.
enrolments
of
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overseas
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students
and Australian
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students
in Australian universities
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over
a
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ten year
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period
. The
first
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line
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graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
Possible spelling mistake. 'enrolments' is British English.
enrolments
of
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overseas
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students
whereas second
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line
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graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
Possible spelling mistake. 'enrolments' is British English.
enrolments
of
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local
students.

Overall
, it can be
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seen
from the
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line
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graph
that increase
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over
relevant
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period
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "occurred", the past tense form of the verb 'occur'?
occured
in
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overseas
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students
reaching a peak of 80000 in 2010, while
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local
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students
also
witnessed increase till 2007 and then remains stable till 2010.

As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the
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line
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graph
that there was an upsurge in commencement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overseas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
a
When a number forms part of an adjectival compound, use a hyphen: "ten-year"
ten year
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period
and reaches a peak of about 40000 in 2010. While the commencement of
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local
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students
fluctuates
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over
a
When a number forms part of an adjectival compound, use a hyphen: "ten-year"
ten year
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period
and reaches a peak of 220000 in 2002. The number of
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local
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students
in 2001 is 20 times greater than that of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overseas
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students
.
It seems that the possessive pronoun "its" fits better in this context. Please verify.
It
can is
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clear
that bulk number of
Possible spelling mistake. 'enrolments' is British English.
enrolments
is for
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local
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students
compared to
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overseas
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students
whose
Possible spelling mistake. 'enrolments' is British English.
enrolments
are 20 times lesser.
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IELTS academic The graphs below show the enrolments of overseas students and local students in Australian universities over a ten year period.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
170 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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