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The graphs below show fast food consumption among male and female in 2015

The graphs below show fast food consumption among male and female in 2015 G3EVo
The graph, illustrate the percentage of daily calories consumed by men and women in 2015. Overall, the greater percentage of males consumed fast food than women, in all age group. In addition the ratio among them had decrease compared to their old age. In details, 17%of the age group males 18-34 intake calories and this figure is the highest on the chart. The 65 and plus men consumed the least at only 5%, where as these figures had fallen significantly to 9% and 3%(age 35-49 and 65+ respectively)in women.
The graph, illustrate the percentage of daily calories consumed by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women in 2015.
Overall
, the greater percentage of males consumed
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fast
food than women, in all
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age
group. In
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addition
the ratio among them had decrease compared to their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
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age
. In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
, 17%of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
group males 18-34 intake calories and this figure is the highest on the chart. The 65 and plus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
consumed the least at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
5%,
Did you mean "whereas"?
where as
these figures had fallen
significantly
to 9% and
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3%(age
35-49 and 65+
respectively
)in women.
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IELTS academic The graphs below show fast food consumption among male and female in 2015

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
89 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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