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The graphs below give information about commuting inside and outside London in 2009. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graphs demonstrate the time it takes the employee to get to work and the transportation methods. The graphs are given for both inside and outside London. According to what it shown in the first graph, large portion of the employees outside London take less than 15 minutes to get into their work. On the other hand, inside London, around 18% of employees can reach their work in less than fifteen minutes, as what it obvious, there's a significant gap between the worker percentages who they can arrive to their work between 1 – 15 minutes in London and outside London. A small difference of employee in London and the rest of UK who they can get to their work between 16-30. High percentage of people in London take 31 to 60 minutes to reach their work than the rest of UK. Regarding the mode of transportation, employees most likely to use car in both of inside and outside London. Small fraction of workers use bicycle in London and the rest of UK. Walking is preferred by 10% of employee outside London where about 17% of workers walk in London. In contrast, bus and train is preferred in London. To sum up, we could say that large amount of worker outside London can reach their work in less than 15 minutes, while the large percentage of employee in London can arrive to their work between 16-30 minutes. For both of London and the rest of UK, employee prefer using cars.
The graphs demonstrate the time it takes the
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employee
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to
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work
and the transportation methods. The graphs are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
for both inside and
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outside
London.

According to what it
You used a past participle without using any required verb (‘be’ or ‘have’).
shown
in the
first
graph, large portion of the
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employees
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outside
London take less than 15 minutes to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
On the other hand
, inside London, around 18% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
can reach their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in less than fifteen minutes, as what
Did you mean “is” or “it is”?
it
obvious, there's a significant gap between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worker
percentages who they can arrive to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
between 1 – 15 minutes in London and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
London. A
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
difference of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
in London and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rest
of UK who they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
between 16-30. High percentage of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in London take 31 to 60 minutes to reach their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rest
of UK.

Regarding the mode of transportation,
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employees
most likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
car in both of inside and
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outside
London.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Small
fraction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
Possible agreement error. Did you mean “uses”? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so ‘use’ is not always incorrect.)
use
bicycle in London and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rest
of UK. Walking
is preferred
by 10% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
London where about 17% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
walk in London.
In contrast
, bus and train
is preferred
in London.

To sum up, we could say that large amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worker
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
London can reach their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in less than 15 minutes, while the large percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
in London can arrive to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
between 16-30 minutes. For both of London and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rest
of UK,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
prefer using cars.
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IELTS academic The graphs below give information about commuting inside and outside London in 2009.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
250 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • The graphs below give information about commuting inside and outside London in 2009. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.