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The bar charts below show the prevalence of obesity among boys and girls aged 12 to 19 years by ethnicity, in the United States for the years 2004 and 2014

The Provided Vertical bar graphs illustrate the cholestrol level within boys and girls between the age of 12 and 19 years by considering the democracies. Moreover, The information is about the United States of America during the time period from 2004 to 2014. Overall, All Ethnicity of the boys shows the increasing trend over the picture rather than others on 2014. Further Point of Interest, On the same years, The Non-Hispanic Black girls numbers shows dramatic surge up with the value of 29 percent which is largest and ranked one when compared among the graphs. It is Pellucid that, The obesity level of Hispanic boys is seven times larger than Non-Hispanic black and Non-Hispanic white shows two-fold decline to the value of 17%. On the other hand, There is One percent increase from first category of the people with 12%to last field of the people with 13 percent during 2004. Moving towards Prevalence of obesity among the girls, Non-Hispanic black girls accounted more by 16% in 2004 and 29% in 2014 rather than other group of females categories.
The Provided Vertical bar graphs illustrate the
Possible spelling mistake found.
cholestrol
level within boys and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
between the age of 12 and 19 years by considering

the democracies.
Moreover
, The information is about the United States of America during the time period from 2004 to 2014.

Overall
, All Ethnicity of the boys
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the increasing trend over the picture
rather
than others on 2014.
Further
Point of Interest, On the same years, The Non-Hispanic Black
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
numbers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
dramatic surge up with the value of 29 percent which is largest and ranked one when compared among the graphs.

It is Pellucid that, The obesity level of Hispanic boys is seven times larger than Non-Hispanic black and Non-Hispanic white
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
two-fold decline to the value of 17%.
On the other hand
, There is One percent increase from
first
category of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with 12%to last field of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with 13 percent during 2004.

Moving towards Prevalence of obesity among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
, Non-Hispanic black
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
accounted more by 16% in 2004 and 29% in 2014
rather
than other group of females categories.

IELTS academic The bar charts below show the prevalence of obesity among boys and girls aged 12 to 19 years by ethnicity, in the United States for the years 2004 and 2014

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
178 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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