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The graphs above give information about computer ownership as a percentage of the population between 2002 and 2010, and by level of education for the years 2002 and 2010

The graphs above give information about computer ownership as a percentage of the population between 2002 and 2010, and by level of education for the years 2002 and 2010 GE1o
The graphs illustrates the percentage of people who owned a computer based off population between the year of 2002 and 2010 as well as based off education for the year 2002 and 2010. As shown by the graphs, the percentage of population who possess a computer remains in a stable rise all throughout the years whereas the data based off education level has a significant difference between the years. In more detail, the population that owns a computer in 2002 is around 40 to 60 percent and followed by the year 2004 with 60 percent, 2006 with around 60 to 80 percent, and lastly the year 2010 with almost 80 percent of the population. Ownership of computer based off education level shows a high difference with students without high school diploma with 15 percent in 2002 going up to 40 percent in 2010, high school graduates with 35 percent in 2002 rising tp 65 percent in 2010, in complete college students with 50 percent in 2002 then fluctuates to 80 percent in 2010, etc.
The graphs
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illustrates
the percentage of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
a computer based
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off
population between the
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year
of 2002 and 2010
as well
as based
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off
education for the
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year
2002 and 2010.

As shown by the graphs, the percentage of population who possess a computer remains in a stable rise all throughout the years whereas the data based
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off
education level has a significant difference between the years.

In more detail, the population that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owns
a computer in 2002 is around 40 to 60
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percent
and followed by the
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year
2004 with 60
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percent
, 2006 with around 60 to 80
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percent
, and
lastly
the
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year
2010 with almost 80
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percent
of the population.

Ownership of computer based
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off
education level
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
a high difference with students without high school diploma with 15
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percent
in 2002 going up to 40
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percent
in 2010, high school graduates with 35
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percent
in 2002 rising
Possible spelling mistake found.
tp
65
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percent
in 2010, in complete college students with 50
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percent
in 2002 then fluctuates to 80
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
in 2010, etc.
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IELTS academic The graphs above give information about computer ownership as a percentage of the population between 2002 and 2010, and by level of education for the years 2002 and 2010

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
174 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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