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The graph shows us the proportion of people computer ownership in the years 2002 to 2010 and also with the level of education

The bar graph shows us the proportion of people owning computers in the years 2002 to 2010 and also the level of ownership by education in the years 2002 and 2010. In the first graph, we learn that computer-owned individuals began to increase by 2 to 3 percent per year from 2002, staying within the range of 70 to 80 percent in 2010. In the second graph, computer ownership information is compiled according to the level of education in 2002 and 2010. Even if there was no use for high school/diploma education, the machine was still owned by individuals in 2002. From the college level of education, machine ownership grew a little higher. In comparison, there was a steady rise in the number of individuals owning computers in 2010. In 2002, however, there was always a rise in computer ownership, always smaller than the percentage of computer ownership in 2010.
The bar graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
us the proportion of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
owning computers in the years 2002 to 2010 and
also
the level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ownership
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in the years 2002 and 2010. In the
first
graph, we learn that computer-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
individuals began to increase by 2 to 3 percent per year from 2002, staying within the range of 70 to 80 percent in 2010. In the second graph, computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ownership
information
is compiled
according to the level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in 2002 and 2010. Even if there was no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
for high school/diploma
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, the machine was
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
by individuals in 2002. From the college level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, machine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ownership
grew a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
higher.
In comparison
, there was a steady rise in the number of individuals owning computers in 2010. In 2002,
however
, there was always a rise in computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ownership
, always smaller than the percentage of computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ownership
in 2010.
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IELTS academic The graph shows us the proportion of people computer ownership in the years 2002 to 2010 and also with the level of education

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
150 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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