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The given charts show the pattern of expenditure on music in three different years in England.

The pie charts compare the ratio of money spent on music in 2005, 2008 and 2011, in England. overall, it is crystal clear that the trend of spending money on cds and concert decreased during the given three years while the expenditure on digital downloads increased. Meanwhile money spent on other sources had the least position. To begin with, in first year, 61% of money was disbursed on CDS whereas half of its on concert and digital downloads consumed 5 times less than the cost of concerts. In the another two years, the investment on CDS declined from 45% to 26% while this figure was inclined on concert and digital downloads, which reached at just over a quarter and to fifths respectively, in 2011. Turning to other sources, it is evident that the consumption on this category was negligible, in the given period that was merely between 2% and 3%.
The pie charts compare the ratio of
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money
spent on music in 2005, 2008 and 2011, in England.

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overall
, it is crystal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the trend of spending
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money
on
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cds
and
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concert
decreased during the
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given
three years while the expenditure on digital downloads increased.
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Meanwhile
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money
spent on other sources had the least position.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, in
first
year, 61% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
was disbursed
on CDS whereas half of its on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
concert
and digital downloads consumed 5 times less than the cost of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
concerts
. In the another two years, the investment on CDS declined from 45% to 26% while this figure
was inclined
on
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concert
and digital downloads, which reached at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over a quarter and to fifths
respectively
, in 2011.

Turning to other sources, it is evident that the consumption on this category was negligible, in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
period that was
merely
between 2% and 3%.
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IELTS academic The given charts show the pattern of expenditure on music in three different years in England.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
150 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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