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The graph shows the water consumption in Australia.

The graph shows the water consumption in Australia. wAye
The bar graph illustrates the data of water consumption in Australia from the year 1993 to 2005. Firstly, in 1993-1994 the use of aqua was about 18500 gallons (ca. 70 m³). In the following year it had taken rise up to 21100 gallons (ca. 80 m³). Furthermore there was a fall in the utility of the water to 19900 gallons (ca. 75 m³). After that, in the year 1996-1997 hydra consumption has reached to the top of the mountain by 22100 gallons (ca. 84 m³) whereas there was a decline in the year 20000-20001. And in the next year utility of the water has totally decreased to 18900 gallons (ca. 72 m³). Overall, there was a fluctuations in the water usage in Australia between the year 1993 and 2005. In the starting of the year the consumption rate of water was at the lowest point and certainly in the middle era it has expanded, but at last there was fall in the hydra consumption.
The bar graph illustrates the data of
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water
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consumption
in Australia from the
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year
1993 to 2005.

Firstly
, in 1993-1994 the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of aqua was about 18500 gallons (ca. 70 m³). In the following
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
it had taken rise up to 21100 gallons (ca. 80 m³).
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Furthermore
there was a fall in the utility of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
to 19900 gallons (ca. 75 m³).

After that, in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
1996-1997 hydra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
has reached to the top of the mountain by 22100 gallons (ca. 84 m³) whereas there was a decline in the
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year
20000-20001. And in the
next
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year
utility of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
has
totally
decreased to 18900 gallons (ca. 72 m³).

Overall
,
Did you mean "there were a fluctuations"?
there was a fluctuations
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
usage in Australia between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
1993 and 2005. In the starting of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
was at the lowest point and
certainly
in the middle era it has expanded,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at last there was fall in the hydra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
.
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IELTS academic The graph shows the water consumption in Australia.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
164 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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