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Children to school using modes of transport

Children to school using modes of transport RXqo
The chart below shows the statistics of the number of children who travelled to and from school using different modes of transport. The graph also contains the age of the children which is 5 years to 12 years old. According to the graph, In 1990, the number of children who went by walk seems to be higher at 12. 2 millions approximately than that of any other modes of transport in both the years of 1990 and 2010. Children who travelled by Car is the highest modes of transport used in the year of 2010. On comparing the two years, Children aged between 5-12 used cycles as the least mode of transport with only 2 millions. Children who took two modes of transport at the same time seems to be quite high in the year of 1990 with 5. 9 millions approximately who walked as well as took bus to travel. I conclude that the children were healthy in 1990 where they walked to school which gave them an exercise in 1990. Children who took cars to school was the massive change occurred in the decade between 1990-2010.
The chart below
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shows
the statistics of the number of
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children
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who
travelled to and from school using
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different
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modes
of
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transport
. The graph
also
contains the age of the
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children
which is 5 years to 12 years
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old
. According to the graph, In 1990, the number of
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children
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who
went by walk seems to be higher at 12. 2 millions
Use "(approximately)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
approximately
than that of any other
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modes
of
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transport
in both the years of 1990 and 2010.
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Children
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who
travelled by Car is the highest
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modes
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transport
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used
in the
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year
of 2010. On comparing the two years,
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Children
aged between 5-12
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used
cycles as the least
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mode
of
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transport
with
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only
2 millions.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
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who
took two
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modes
of
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transport
at the same time seems to be quite high in the
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year
of 1990 with 5. 9 millions approximately
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who
walked
as well
as took bus to travel. I conclude that the
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children
were healthy in 1990 where they walked to school which gave them an exercise in 1990.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
took cars to school was the massive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
occurred in the decade between 1990-2010.
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IELTS academic Children to school using modes of transport

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
188 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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