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The graph shows the variations of reported cases of the whooping cough with the appearing of the vaccine for this illness, between the second half of the twentieth century and the first decade of the twenty first century.

The graph shows the variations of reported cases of the whooping cough with the appearing of the vaccine for this illness, between the second half of the twentieth century and the first decade of the twenty first century. The cases reported on the first years of this illness, from 1940 to 1955, were between 180. 000 on the maximum point of the disease, and 60. 000 in the lowest point of it. Then, in 1955 when the vaccine appeared, this allowed to reduce this health problem. The illness went down rapidly thanks to the vaccine, decreasing the cases reported on the population until 1975. However, at this year, the illness started to raise again, but never with the amount of cases that existed when the disease began, reporting in 1975, around of 60. 000 cases for almost 10 years. After this situation, the whooping cough decreased continuously through the final decade showed, which is 1990 to 2010. At the end of this years, the illness almost disappeared due to the appropriate vaccine for the whooping cough.
The graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the variations of reported cases of the whooping cough with the appearing of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vaccine
for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illness
, between the second half of the twentieth century and the
first
decade of the twenty
first
century.

The cases reported on the
first
years of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illness
, from 1940 to 1955, were between 180. 000 on the maximum point of the disease, and 60. 000 in the lowest point of it. Then, in 1955 when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vaccine
appeared, this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
this health problem. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illness
went down
rapidly
thanks to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vaccine
, decreasing the cases reported on the population until 1975.
However
, at this year, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illness
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to raise again,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
never with the amount of cases that existed when the disease began, reporting in 1975, around of 60. 000 cases for almost 10 years.

After this situation, the whooping cough decreased
continuously
through the final decade
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
, which is 1990 to 2010. At the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of this years, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illness
almost disappeared due to the appropriate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vaccine
for the whooping cough.

IELTS academic The graph shows the variations of reported cases of the whooping cough with the appearing of the vaccine for this illness, between the second half of the twentieth century and the first decade of the twenty first century.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
176 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
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Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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