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the graph shows the percentage of visiting the cinema once a month or more between 1984 to 2003 (4 age group)

the graph shows the percentage of visiting the cinema once a month or more between 1984 to 2003 (4 age group) r6Dak

The graph illustrates the many of visitors in 4 age group go to the cinema once a month or more from 1984 to 2003. Overall, it is immediately evident that visiting the cinema became increasingly popular among all age groups. Furthermore, the percentage of people aged 15-to-24-year-olds increased the most while the figure for 35 and cover had a sightly increase which is the lowest percentage throughout the graph. Notably, young adults between 15-24 were the most likely to visit the cinema at least once a month had reached 56%, up 43% from 2003.

The graph illustrates the This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:a plethora ofa number ofnumerous
many
 of visitors in 4 age group go to the cinema once a month or more from 1984 to 2003.

Overall
, it is immediately evident that visiting the cinema became increasingly
 popular among all age groups. Furthermore
, the percentage of This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :individualsnationsociety
people
 aged 15-to-24-year-olds increased the most while the figure for 35 and cover had a You used an adverb ('sightly') instead of an adjective, or a noun ('increase') instead of another adjective.
sightly increase
 which is the lowest percentage throughout the graph.

Notably
, young adults between 15-24 were the most likely to visit the cinema at least once a month had reached 56%, up 43% from 2003. 

IELTS academic the graph shows the percentage of visiting the cinema once a month or more between 1984 to 2003 (4 age group)

Academic

American English

3 paragraphs

94 words

This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1

4.0

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
?
One main idea per paragraph
?
Include an introduction and conclusion
?
Support main points with an explanation and then an example
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
?
Vary your linking phrases using synonyms

Lexical Resource: 6.5

Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
Check your writing for errors

Task Achievement: 6.5

Answer all parts of the question
?
Present relevant ideas
Fully explain these ideas
?
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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