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chart show sales five different kinds jam2009-2014

chart show sales five different kinds jam2009-2014 0lmml
The information about five different type of jams from 2009 to 2014 is depicted by line graph. From overall perspective, it readily apparent that expect the sales of plum jam, others jams showed upward trend in given time period. Looking into details, starting at 2. 6 million in 2009. The sales of plum jam experienced declined trend and it reached at 1. 5 million in 2011. In next years, it recorded 0. 5 million in 2014. The sales of cherry jam was 1. 2 million. Followed by grape, it accounted 0. 7 million. The sales of cherry stood at 2 million in 2011 whereas the sales of grape noticed constant growth and in 2014 it end with 3. 5 million. Moving further, There was dramatic increase observed in sales of cherry from 2011 to 2014. And it stable at 2. 5 million. The sales of strawberry and raspberry was 3. 5 million in 2009. In 2012 both are intersect at 5 million. From 2012 the sales of raspberry fluctuating between 5 million and 6 million till 2014. There was only 2 million difference between strawberry and raspberry in last year
The information about five
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
type of jams from 2009 to 2014
is depicted
by line graph. From
overall
perspective, it
readily
apparent that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
of plum jam, others jams
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
upward trend in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
time period. Looking into
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
, starting at 2. 6
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million
in 2009. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
of plum jam experienced declined trend and it reached at 1. 5
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million
in 2011. In
next
years, it recorded 0. 5
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million
in 2014. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
of cherry jam was 1. 2
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million
. Followed by grape, it accounted 0. 7
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million
. The
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sales
of cherry stood at 2
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million
in 2011 whereas the
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sales
of grape noticed constant growth and in 2014 it
Did you mean "ends"?
end
with 3. 5
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million
. Moving
further
, There was dramatic increase observed in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
of cherry from 2011 to 2014. And it
Did you mean "stables"?
stable
at 2. 5
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million
. The
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sales
of strawberry and raspberry was 3. 5
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million
in 2009. In 2012 both are
Consider using a past participle here: "intersected".
intersect
at 5
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million
. From 2012 the
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sales
of raspberry fluctuating between 5
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million
and 6
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million
till 2014. There was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
2
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million
difference between strawberry and raspberry in last
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
year
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IELTS academic chart show sales five different kinds jam2009-2014

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
189 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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