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The graph shows the percentage of overweight males and females in Australia between 1980 and 2010

The graph shows the percentage of overweight males and females in Australia between 1980 and 2010 x13b
The bar graph provides information about overweight males and females in Australia from 1980 to 2010. The data is in the percentage. Overall, it is seen clearly from the bar chart that man was the higher than women throughout all years in Australia. And a total number of both categories increased in the period. In 1980, 55% of males overweight in Australia, which was higher than women, which was at 40%. By 1990, the rate for overweight males increased 10%, while overweight women rate was rose over 50% the first time. By contrast, By 2000, overweight men's number reached a peck of 82% in Australia, which was 22% more than the females one. By the end of the period, the percentage of overweight ladies in Australia remained constant at 60%, whereas the male rate declined nearly 10% by 2010. males were at the top position as compared with females over 30 years.
The bar graph provides information about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
and females in Australia from 1980 to 2010. The data is in the percentage.

Overall
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
clearly
from the bar chart that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
was the higher than women throughout all years in Australia. And a total number of both categories increased in the period.

In 1980, 55% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
in Australia, which was higher than women, which was at 40%. By 1990, the rate for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
increased 10%, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
women rate was rose over 50% the
first
time.

By contrast, By 2000,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
's number reached a peck of 82% in Australia, which was 22% more than the females one.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
By
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the period, the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
ladies in Australia remained constant at 60%, whereas the male rate declined
nearly
10% by 2010.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
males
were at the top position as compared with females over 30 years.
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IELTS academic The graph shows the percentage of overweight males and females in Australia between 1980 and 2010

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
152 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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