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The graph shows the percentage of city population without health insurance from 1981 to 2005

The graph shows the percentage of city population without health insurance from 1981 to 2005 R2M0G
The graph above illustrates the percentage of the city population without health insurance from 1981 to 2005. The metropolises shown are Seattle and Boston. As can be seen from the graph, that both of the cities had the same starting point at around over 20 percent. Soon after, they both increase but going up differently as Seattle is having a steeper rise. Yet, the proportion of Boston for the uninsured falls slightly; nevertheless, starts to increase again at around 1990. Besides, in around 1994, Boston's proportion declines gradually from then to 1994; subsequently, drops significantly. After the initial rise, Seattle witnesses a steady drop until 2005. It is apparent from the graph that the figure for the citizens without insurance in both start off at the same point in 1981. While Boston's ratio of uninsured seems to be a lot lower in 2005 than in 1981, Seattle's ratio is a bit lower in 2005 than in 1981.
The graph above illustrates the percentage of the city population without health insurance from 1981 to 2005. The metropolises shown are Seattle and Boston.

As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the graph, that both of the cities had the same starting point at around over 20 percent.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Soon
after, they both increase
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
going up
differently
as Seattle is having a steeper rise.
Yet
, the proportion of Boston for the uninsured falls
slightly
;
nevertheless
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
to increase again at around 1990.
Besides
, in around 1994, Boston's proportion declines
gradually
from then to 1994;
subsequently
, drops
significantly
. After the initial rise, Seattle witnesses a steady drop until 2005. It is apparent from the graph that the figure for the citizens without insurance in both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
off at the same point in 1981. While Boston's ratio of uninsured seems to be a lot lower in 2005 than in 1981, Seattle's ratio is a bit lower in 2005 than in 1981.
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IELTS academic The graph shows the percentage of city population without health insurance from 1981 to 2005

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
157 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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