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The graph shows the number of visitors to four international museums between 1980 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph shows the number of visitors to four international museums between 1980 and 2015. ojEV
The line graph reveals the information about four multinational museums visited from 1980 to 2015. It can be seen that there were 2 museums both of which achieved incredible and slight rise respectively as the rest of them could not increase. First of all, it is clear from the data that the Vatican Museum obtained nearly a twofold growth, whose figures firstly were just under 5 million and at the end of the period reached around 9 million visitors. In 1980 the Louvre Museum was dominant with the huge difference and its rank did not change for 35 years although it decreased between 1995 and 2000. The number of visitors was almost 8 million people at the beginning of the period and it reached 10 million individuals. On the other hand, the London Science Museum is the only museum that fell down nearly double. After remaining steady (4 million) in the first 5 years, the amount of comers there went down by almost 2 million. Besides, at first the visitors of the Shenzhen Museum was just under 4 million and its chunk was followed at the same share in 2015.
The line graph reveals the information about four multinational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
visited from 1980 to 2015. It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that there were 2
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
both of which achieved incredible and slight rise
respectively
as the rest of them could not increase.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
from the data that the Vatican
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museum
obtained
nearly
a twofold growth, whose figures
firstly
were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
and at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the period reached around 9
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
visitors. In 1980 the Louvre
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museum
was dominant with the huge difference and its rank did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
for 35 years although it decreased between 1995 and 2000. The number of visitors was almost 8
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
at the beginning of the period and it reached 10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
individuals.

On the other hand
, the London Science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museum
is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
that fell down
nearly
double. After remaining steady (4
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million)
in the
first
5 years, the amount of comers there went down by almost 2
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
.
Besides
, at
first
the visitors of the Shenzhen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museum
was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under 4
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
and its chunk
was followed
at the same share in 2015.

IELTS academic The graph shows the number of visitors to four international museums between 1980 and 2015.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
190 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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