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THE GRAPH SHOWS THE NUMBER OF VISITORS TO FOUR INTERNATIONAL MUSEUMS BETWEEN 1980 AND 2015.

THE GRAPH SHOWS THE NUMBER OF VISITORS TO FOUR INTERNATIONAL MUSEUMS BETWEEN 1980 AND 2015. 5Bw6Q
THE LINE GRAPH ILLUSTRATES THE INFORMATION ABOUT HOW MUCH PERCENTAGE OF VISITORS VISIT TO 4 INTERNATIONAL MUSEUMS OVER A PERIOD OF 35 YEARS. OVERALL, IT IS MANIFEST FROM THE LINE GRAPH THAT THE RATIO OF VISITORS LOUVRE MUSEUMS WAS THE HIGHEST AMONG OTHER MUSEUMS, WHEREAS THE RATIO OF VISITORS LONDON AND SHENZHEN MUSEUMS WAS THE LOWEST THROUGHOUT THE GIVEN PERIOD. INITIATING AT 7. 9% IN 1980 AND SLOWLY INCREASE TO 8% IN 1985, THE NUMBER OF VISITORS VISIT TO LOUVRE MUSEUM GROW BY 9% IN 1990. ALTHOUGH ONLY 4% IN 1980 AND SAME THE VALUE IN 1985, THE NUMERAL OF VISITORS VISIT LONDON SCIENCE MUSEUM DECREASE BY 3. 5% IN 1990. HOWEVER, THE 5% IN 1980 AND SLIGHTLY RISE TO 5. 5% IN 1985 WHILE IN 1990 THAT RATIO EXTENSION BY 5. 9%. MOREOVER, 3. 9% IN 1980 AND SLIGHTLY FALL TO 3. 6% IN 1985, NEXT YEAR THAT AVERAGE FALL BY 3. 3% IN 1990. AFTER 15 YEARS IN 2010, THE NUMERAL OF VISITORS VISIT LOUVRE MUSEUM SLOWLY ELEVATION AT 9. 2% AND VATICAN MUSEUMS IMMENSELY EXPAND TO 8. 5% IN 2010 WHILE LONDON SCIENCE MUSEUMS OF VISITORS VALUE DEPRESSED BY 2. 3% AND THAT SAME VALUE IN SHENZHEN MUSEUMS. LAST YEAR IN 2015, THE DIGIT OF VISITORS VISIT TO LOUVRE MUSEUM EXTREMELY SOAR TO 9. 6% AND IN VATICAN MUSEUM VALUE HIGH TO 9. 4% THOUGH, THE PERCENTAGE OF VISITORS VISIT THE LONDON AND SHENZHEN MUSEUM ARE SUNKEN BUT BOTH MUSEUMS AVERAGE ARE SAME. SO THAT 2% IN 2015.
THE LINE GRAPH ILLUSTRATES THE INFORMATION ABOUT HOW MUCH PERCENTAGE OF
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
VISITORS
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
VISIT
TO 4 INTERNATIONAL
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MUSEUMS
OVER A PERIOD OF 35 YEARS.
OVERALL
, IT IS MANIFEST FROM THE LINE GRAPH THAT THE RATIO OF
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VISITORS
LOUVRE
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MUSEUMS
WAS THE HIGHEST AMONG OTHER
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
MUSEUMS
, WHEREAS THE RATIO OF
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VISITORS
LONDON AND SHENZHEN
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MUSEUMS
WAS THE LOWEST THROUGHOUT THE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GIVEN
PERIOD. INITIATING AT 7. 9% IN 1980 AND
SLOWLY
INCREASE TO 8% IN 1985, THE NUMBER OF
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VISITORS
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
VISIT
TO LOUVRE
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MUSEUM
GROW BY 9% IN 1990. ALTHOUGH
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ONLY
4% IN 1980 AND SAME THE
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VALUE
IN 1985, THE NUMERAL OF
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VISITORS
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "visits"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'VISIT' is not always incorrect.)
VISIT
LONDON SCIENCE
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MUSEUM
DECREASE BY 3. 5% IN 1990.
HOWEVER
, THE 5% IN 1980 AND
SLIGHTLY
RISE TO 5. 5% IN 1985 WHILE IN 1990 THAT RATIO EXTENSION BY 5. 9%.
MOREOVER
, 3. 9% IN 1980 AND
SLIGHTLY
FALL TO 3. 6% IN 1985,
NEXT
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YEAR
THAT AVERAGE FALL BY 3. 3% IN 1990. AFTER 15 YEARS IN 2010, THE NUMERAL OF
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VISITORS
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "visits"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'VISIT' is not always incorrect.)
VISIT
LOUVRE
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MUSEUM
SLOWLY
ELEVATION AT 9. 2% AND VATICAN
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MUSEUMS
IMMENSELY
EXPAND TO 8. 5% IN 2010 WHILE LONDON SCIENCE
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MUSEUMS
OF
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VISITORS
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VALUE
DEPRESSED BY 2. 3% AND THAT SAME
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VALUE
IN SHENZHEN
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MUSEUMS
. LAST
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YEAR
IN 2015, THE DIGIT OF
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VISITORS
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "visits"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'VISIT' is not always incorrect.)
VISIT
TO LOUVRE
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MUSEUM
EXTREMELY
SOAR TO 9. 6% AND IN VATICAN
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MUSEUM
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VALUE
HIGH TO 9. 4% THOUGH, THE PERCENTAGE OF
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VISITORS
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VISIT
THE LONDON AND SHENZHEN
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MUSEUM
ARE SUNKEN
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BUT
BOTH
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
MUSEUMS
AVERAGE ARE SAME.
“SO THAT” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
SO THAT
2% IN 2015.
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IELTS academic THE GRAPH SHOWS THE NUMBER OF VISITORS TO FOUR INTERNATIONAL MUSEUMS BETWEEN 1980 AND 2015.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
251 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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Lexical Resource: 6.0
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Grammatical Range: 6.0
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Task Achievement: 5.0
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