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The graph shows the number of computers that were sold in 3 companies between 2000 and 2005

The graph shows the number of computers that were sold in 3 companies between 2000 and 2005 nX5MK
The graph illustrates the number of computers which were sold in 3 categories between 2000 and 2005 over the world. With a quick look, we can recognize the gradual rise in the number of the Tech gays computers that had been sold in 5-year period of time. As opposite the figure of laptops that were sold over the world, experienced a marginal drop over 5-year. In details, the number of computer plus that were sold saw a peak in 2002 over 10000 and also they were the most popular sort of computers. In paradox in 2004 the Tech gays witnessed a rapid jump into the number of 12000 computers and it was the best, but computer plus which was the best seller in 2002 became the worst in 2004. In sales of laptop all around the world remain unchanged and stable between 2001 and 2003 with the rate of 6000 laptops annually. The figure of computer plus had been fluctuating between 2000 and 2005 and ended approximately at 6000 in 2005.
The graph illustrates the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of computers which
were sold
in 3 categories between 2000 and 2005
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
the world. With a quick look, we can recognize the gradual rise in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of the Tech gays computers that had
been sold
in 5-year period of time. As opposite the figure of laptops that
were sold
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
the world, experienced a marginal drop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
5-year. In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of computer plus that
were sold
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a peak in 2002
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
10000 and
also
they were the most popular sort of computers. In paradox in 2004 the Tech gays witnessed a rapid jump into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of 12000 computers and it was the best,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
computer plus which was the
This word is normally spelled as one.
best seller
in 2002 became the worst in 2004.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
sales of laptop all around the world remain unchanged and stable between 2001 and 2003 with the rate of 6000 laptops
annually
. The figure of computer plus had been fluctuating between 2000 and 2005 and ended approximately at 6000 in 2005.
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IELTS academic The graph shows the number of computers that were sold in 3 companies between 2000 and 2005

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
171 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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