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Many people believe that teenagers should be involved in the social activities and the unpaid community works. So that governments should organize the admission to such services through schools especially the secondary schools. I think it is necessary to urge children to participate in community services, but also it should be optional.

Many people believe that teenagers should be involved in the social activities and the unpaid community works. So that governments should organize the admission to such services through schools especially the secondary schools. I think it is necessary to urge children to participate in community services, but also it should be optional. nX5GE
Youths are the backbone of any country, so instilling in them the virtues and the moral values will lead to more developed and peaceful society. Teaching children from the early ages the social aspects and volunteering in social services such as collecting donations for a charity, helping elderly people or even participating in saving the environment, as they can clean their neighborhood, will inevitably affect positively in their business life after graduation. Moreover, they will have the ability to be more cooperative in a teamwork and responsible for getting the things done. From hence, the schools are responsible for educating students that they have a great value and every single activity they will share in, is worthy for themselves and for the country as well. For example, when I was in the secondary school our teachers asked us to help in painting and decorating the classrooms, I still remember how we were excited to participate and have fun with colors everywhere on our costume and faces. Although it was a big effort we had done, we really enjoyed our time. Admitting to free services must be optional in order to do the best we can, the compulsory matters spoil the happiness of sharing and making useful things. It is crucial to encourage people for that without putting extra pressure on them
Youths are the backbone of any country,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
instilling in them the virtues and the moral values will lead to more developed and peaceful society. Teaching children from the early ages the social aspects and volunteering in social services such as collecting donations for a charity, helping elderly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
or even participating in saving the environment, as they can clean their neighborhood, will
inevitably
affect
positively
in their business life after graduation.
Moreover
, they will have the ability to be more cooperative in a teamwork and responsible for getting the things done.

From
hence
, the schools are responsible for educating students that they have a great value and every single activity they will share in, is worthy for themselves and for the country
as well
.
For example
, when I was in the secondary school our teachers asked us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in painting and decorating the classrooms, I
still
remember how we
were excited
to participate and have fun with colors everywhere on our costume and faces. Although it was a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
effort we had done, we
really
enjoyed our time.

The verb 'Admitting' is used with the gerund form: "Admitting freeing".
Admitting to free
services
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be optional in order to do the best we can, the compulsory matters spoil the happiness of sharing and making useful things. It is crucial to encourage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
for that without putting extra pressure on
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
them

IELTS academic Many people believe that teenagers should be involved in the social activities and the unpaid community works. So that governments should organize the admission to such services through schools especially the secondary schools. I think it is necessary to urge children to participate in community services, but also it should be optional.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
220 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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