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the graph shows the information about money spend on entertainment in 5 year period

the graph shows the information about money spend on entertainment in 5 year period mL5dN
The bar graph illustrates about the funds spend on the five different types of fun during the year 1995 and 2000 in the countries such as Asia, Europe, United states. Overall, United states spend most of the money and asia spends less funds for entertainment. In which, the most funded entertainment is television and the least is cinema. In asia, during 1995 publishing is most funded followed by television, music, video and cinema, whereas in europe both television and publishing take the leading funds. In the united states in 1995 publishing is highest monet spend which is more than half of others. In asia, the funding is increased and which makes publishing and television highest during the year 2000. In europe and united states also the overall funding is increased but television is highest in europe and publishing funds is more in united states in the year 2000. In this united states give more funds to entertainment when compared to others.
The bar graph illustrates about the funds
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spend
on the five
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different
types of fun during the year 1995 and 2000 in the countries such as Asia, Europe,
The proper noun "United States" needs to be capitalized.
United states
.

Overall
,
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United
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states
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spend
most of the money and
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asia
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spends
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun funds is countable.
less
funds for entertainment. In which, the most funded entertainment is
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television
and the least is cinema.

In
Possible spelling mistake found.
asia
, during 1995
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publishing
is most funded followed by
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television
, music, video and cinema, whereas in
Possible spelling mistake found.
europe
both
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television
and
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publishing
take the leading funds.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
the
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united
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states
in 1995
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publishing
is highest
Possible spelling mistake found.
monet
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spend
which is more than half of others.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
Possible spelling mistake found.
asia
, the funding
is increased
and which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
publishing
and
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television
highest during the year 2000.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
Possible spelling mistake found.
europe
and
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united
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
states
also
the
overall
funding
is increased
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is highest in
Possible spelling mistake found.
europe
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
publishing
funds is more in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
united
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
states
in the year 2000.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
this
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united
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
states
give more funds to entertainment when compared to others.
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IELTS academic the graph shows the information about money spend on entertainment in 5 year period

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
161 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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