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percentage of tourists to scotland who visited different attractions

percentage of tourists to scotland who visited different attractions 8x0xr
The line graph illustrates the proportion of visitors to Scotland who visited four different attractions in Edinburgh between 1980 and 2010. Overall, it can be clearly seen that there was an upward trend in the percentage of tourists to the Castle and Zoo, but the percentage of visitors to the Aquarium and Festival experienced a considerable fall over the period. Another interesting point is that the Festival attracted the most tourists in 1980, but in 2010 the proportion of visitors to Castle was the most popular of four attractions As regards the first, Zoo was the most unknown attraction, with just 10% in 1980. After having fluctuated with still 10% in 2000, the figure increased sharply to 20% in 2010. Likewise, there was a significant leap of nearly 25% in the percentage of visitors to the Castle over the period of 15 years from 1980 to 1995. Then, after having dropped dramatically to about 35% in 2000, the figure continued to decrease slightly and finished at over 30%. By contrast, the trend for the aquarium and festival was different from the castle and zoo. From the graph, the proportion of tourists to the Aquarium considerably rose to 35% in 1985. Then, there was a dramatic plunge to under 10% from 1995 to 2010. Furthermore, the Festival which was the most popular destination with 30% in 1980, experienced a steady decrease to below 20% at the end of period
The line graph illustrates the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
to Scotland who visited four
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
attractions in Edinburgh between 1980 and 2010.

Overall
, it can be
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that there was an upward trend in the percentage of tourists to the Castle and Zoo,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
to the Aquarium and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Festival
experienced a considerable fall over the period. Another interesting point is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Festival
attracted the most tourists in 1980,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in 2010 the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
to Castle was the most popular of four attractions

As regards the
first
, Zoo was the most unknown attraction, with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
10% in 1980. After having fluctuated with
still
10% in 2000, the figure increased
sharply
to 20% in 2010.
Likewise
, there was a significant leap of
nearly
25% in the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
to the Castle over the period of 15 years from 1980 to 1995. Then, after having dropped
dramatically
to about 35% in 2000, the figure continued to decrease
slightly
and finished at over 30%.

By contrast, the trend for the aquarium and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festival
was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from the castle and zoo. From the graph, the proportion of tourists to the Aquarium
considerably
rose to 35% in 1985. Then, there was a dramatic plunge to under 10% from 1995 to 2010.
Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Festival
which was the most popular destination with 30% in 1980, experienced a steady decrease to below 20% at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of period
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IELTS academic percentage of tourists to scotland who visited different attractions

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
237 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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