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the graph below shows the average length of stay last year ( in days) for serious injuries for different age groups in private and public hostipals in Queenland, Australia.

the graph below shows the average length of stay last year ( in days) for serious injuries for different age groups in private and public hostipals in Queenland, Australia. Olnl3
The line graph illustrates the length of stay (in days) for major injuries in private and public hospitals in Queensland of Australia last year for various age group. What stands out from the line graph is that in both types of hospital, they were all in a strong downward trend. Another interesting point is that the number of people aged 85 and over in public and private hospitals had an average stay of 20 days. With regard to the public hospital, there was a considerable increase in the number of days that injuries became serious between the ages of 0 and 29, from nearly 10 days to approximately 60 days. Following this, this figure fluctuated at the number of days in 25-44 years old people. Finally, the length of stay for people with severe ailments in middle age went down significantly, from over 50 days to roughly 20 days. Turning to the average day of private hospital, the number of injured people started at the age of 15, which was less than the public hospital. The number of people in this age group stayed at nearly 10 days, then this figure went up dramatically to under 40 days. Following this, it fell substantially to 20 days, at people aged 45-49. Subsequently, there was a volatility in the length of stay at elderly people, after which it went up again and stopped at the same days of public hospital.
The line graph illustrates the length of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
(in days) for major injuries in private and
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public
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hospitals
in Queensland of Australia last year for various
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age
group.

What stands out from the line graph is that in both types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospital
, they were all in a strong downward trend. Another interesting point is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
aged 85 and over in
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public
and private
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hospitals
had an average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
of 20 days.

With regard to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospital
, there was a considerable increase in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of days that injuries became serious between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
of 0 and 29, from
nearly
10 days to approximately 60 days. Following this, this figure fluctuated at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of days in 25-44 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Finally
, the length of
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stay
for
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people
with severe ailments in middle
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age
went down
significantly
, from over 50 days to roughly 20 days.

Turning to the average day of private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospital
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of injured
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 15, which was less than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospital
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
group stayed at
nearly
10 days, then this figure went up
dramatically
to under 40 days. Following this, it fell
substantially
to 20 days, at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
aged 45-49.
Subsequently
, there was a volatility in the length of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
at elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, after which it went up again and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
at the same days of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospital
.
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IELTS academic the graph below shows the average length of stay last year ( in days) for serious injuries for different age groups in private and public hostipals in Queenland, Australia.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
238 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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