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The graph shows the Beauty segment’s annual revenue growth alongside P&G’s overall revenue growth between 2010 and 2014.

The graph shows the Beauty segment’s annual revenue growth alongside P&G’s overall revenue growth between 2010 and 2014. B7xdw
The bar chart illustrates the Beauty segment’s annual income growth along P&G’s overall revenue increase between 2010 and 2014. According to the graph, it can be seen that the beauty segment’s annual income and P&G’s overall revenue increase is unstable. In 2010, the annual revenue of the beauty segment was the main income in total of the P&G Overall revenue. The profits of the beauty segment and the total income of the P&G grew considerably from 2010 to 2011 but since 2011, the revenue of P&G decrease significantly from 5 percents to 3 percents and then remain unchanged at 1 percent in 2014. In the three years period from 2011, there was a substantial drop of the beauty segment (from 4% to -2% and remain stably until 2014). In conclusion, it is easily apparent that in the first 2 years period, the beauty segment contributed a considerable profits to the total income of the P&G, but from 2011 to 2014, the beauty segment is not only no longer a significant factor to the P&G income, but also the agent that reduce the profits of the P&G overall revenue growth.
The bar chart illustrates the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Beauty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
segment’s
annual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
growth along P&G’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overall
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
revenue
increase between 2010 and 2014.

According to the graph, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beauty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
segment’s
annual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
and P&G’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overall
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
revenue
increase is unstable.

In 2010, the annual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
revenue
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beauty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
segment
was the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
in total of the P&G
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Overall
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
revenue
. The profits of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beauty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
segment
and the total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
of the P&G grew
considerably
from 2010 to 2011
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
since 2011, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
revenue
of P&G decrease
significantly
from 5 percents to 3 percents and then remain unchanged at 1 percent in 2014. In the three years period from 2011, there was a substantial drop of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beauty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
segment
(from 4% to -2% and remain
stably
until 2014).

In conclusion
, it is
easily
apparent that in the
first
2 years period, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beauty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
segment
contributed a considerable
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "profit"?
profits
to the total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
of the P&G,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
from 2011 to 2014, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beauty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
segment
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
no longer a significant factor to the P&G
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the agent that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the profits of the P&G
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overall
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
revenue
growth.
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IELTS academic The graph shows the Beauty segment’s annual revenue growth alongside P&G’s overall revenue growth between 2010 and 2014.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
189 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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