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The graph shows how money was spent on different forms of entertainment over a five year period.

THE BAR CHARTS GIVES INFORMATION ABOUT THE EXPENDITURE FOR SEVERAL TIPES OF ENTERTAINMENT IN THREE DIFFERENT CONTINENTS, FROM 1995 TO 2000. FIRSTLY, IT CAN BE SEEN THAT OVER THE PERIOD GIVEN THERE HAVE BEEN A DRAMATIC RISE IN MONEY SPENT FOR AMUSEMENT ALL OVER THE WORLD. SECONDLY, UNITED STATES AND ASIA FOLLOW A SIMILAR TREND WHITH A STADLY INCREMENT OF MONEY USED FOR ALL THE FORMS OF ENTERTAINMENT CONSIDERED BY THE GRAPH. INSTEAD, IN EUROPE, DURING THE SAME PERIOD, IF THERE WAS A GROWTH IN THE USAGE OF PUBLISHING, VIDEO AND TELEVISION, THE AMOUNT OF MONEY SPENT TO ENJOY MUSIC AND CINEMA HAVE REMAINED STEADY. TO CONCLUDE, UNITED STATES IS THE COUNTRY WHERE PEOPLE HAVE SPENT MORE FOR PLEASURE BETWEEN 1995 AND 2000, WITH THE PEAKS OF 184 AND 257, REACHED RESPECTIVELY IN 1995 AND 2000.
THE BAR CHARTS GIVES INFORMATION ABOUT THE EXPENDITURE FOR SEVERAL
Possible spelling mistake found.
TIPES
OF ENTERTAINMENT IN THREE
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
DIFFERENT
CONTINENTS, FROM 1995 TO 2000.

FIRSTLY
, IT CAN BE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
SEEN
THAT OVER THE PERIOD
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GIVEN
THERE HAVE BEEN A DRAMATIC RISE IN MONEY SPENT FOR AMUSEMENT ALL OVER THE WORLD.

SECONDLY
,
The proper noun “United STATES” needs to be capitalized.
UNITED STATES
AND ASIA FOLLOW A SIMILAR TREND
Possible spelling mistake found.
WHITH
A
Possible spelling mistake found.
STADLY
INCREMENT OF MONEY
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
USED
FOR ALL THE FORMS OF ENTERTAINMENT CONSIDERED BY THE GRAPH.
INSTEAD
, IN EUROPE, DURING THE SAME PERIOD, IF THERE WAS A GROWTH IN THE USAGE OF PUBLISHING, VIDEO AND TELEVISION, THE AMOUNT OF MONEY SPENT TO ENJOY MUSIC AND CINEMA HAVE REMAINED STEADY.

TO CONCLUDE
,
The proper noun “United STATES” needs to be capitalized.
UNITED STATES
IS THE COUNTRY WHERE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
PEOPLE
HAVE SPENT MORE FOR PLEASURE BETWEEN 1995 AND 2000, WITH THE PEAKS OF 184 AND 257, REACHED
RESPECTIVELY
IN 1995 AND 2000.
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IELTS academic The graph shows how money was spent on different forms of entertainment over a five year period.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
136 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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