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The graph shows gym membership trends between 1980 and 2010

The graph shows gym membership trends between 1980 and 2010 YBgyQ
The graph gives information about the number of women and men who enrolled for gym membership over a period of 30 years. The trend in number of men has seen a wide variation peaking and falling at regular intervals whereas the curve of women show a steady increase from 1980 to 2010. There were 2000 men who subscribed for gym membership in 1980 which steadily increased to 4000 and has seen a sharp fall to below 1800 between 1995 and 2000. Same trend repeated between the years 2000 and 2010 when it crested to 5000 in 2005 and declined sharply in 2010 to below 1000. The number of women subscribing to gym increased steadily to reach its high of 2800 members in the year 2006 from a mere 1000 individuals in 1980. Following that rise it declined to below 2000 members in 2010. To summarise, while the enrolment of women to gym has seen a steady increase, that those of men has shown a wavy pattern with crests and troughs.
The graph gives information about the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
who enrolled for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gym
membership over a period of 30 years. The trend in number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
a wide variation peaking and falling at regular intervals whereas the curve of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "shows"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'show' is not always incorrect.)
show
a steady increase from 1980 to 2010.

There were 2000
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men
who subscribed for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gym
membership in 1980 which
steadily
increased to 4000 and has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
a sharp fall to below 1800 between 1995 and 2000. Same trend repeated between the years 2000 and 2010 when it crested to 5000 in 2005 and declined
sharply
in 2010 to below 1000.

The number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
subscribing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gym
increased
steadily
to reach its high of 2800 members in the year 2006 from a mere 1000 individuals in 1980. Following that rise it declined to below 2000 members in 2010.

To
Possible spelling mistake. 'summarise' is British English.
summarise
, while the
Possible spelling mistake. 'enrolment' is British English.
enrolment
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gym
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
a steady increase, that those of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
has shown a wavy pattern with crests and troughs.
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IELTS academic The graph shows gym membership trends between 1980 and 2010

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
170 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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