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the chart shows the fitness membership in 30 years period

the chart shows the fitness membership in 30 years period GNlWm
The bar chart illustrates the thousands of men and women fitness membership between 1970 and 2000. Overall, in 1970 and 2000 was the least membership went to fitness whereas in 1995 had the most membership throughout the period. Both genders had some fluctuations. In terms of women, hitting a low point of exactly 1000 membership in 1970 while this number doubled in 1975. Similarly, in 1980 had just under 2000 and after that, this number went up to almost 3000. However, membership number decreased to just over 2000 while in 1995 it back again about 3000. At the end of the period, women's membership number had 2000. On the other hand, men had almost doubled number in 1970. It rose to 4000 in 1975, then it had some vibration from 1980 to 1990 ( around 2500, 1800 and 2000 respectively). Furthermore, men reached in peak in 1995 which number was 5000, while this number dramatically decline to 1000 at the end of the period.
The bar chart illustrates the thousands of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women fitness
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
membership
between 1970 and 2000.
Overall
, in 1970 and 2000 was the least
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
membership
went to fitness whereas in 1995 had the most
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membership
throughout the period. Both genders had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fluctuations. In terms of women, hitting a low point of exactly 1000
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membership
in 1970 while this
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number
doubled in 1975.
Similarly
, in 1980 had
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just
under 2000 and after that, this
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number
went up to almost 3000.
However
,
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membership
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
decreased to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 2000 while in 1995 it back again about 3000. At the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the period, women's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
membership
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
had 2000.
On the other hand
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
had almost doubled
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number
in 1970. It rose to 4000 in 1975, then it had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
vibration from 1980 to 1990
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
around 2500, 1800 and 2000
respectively
).
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
reached in peak in 1995 which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
was 5000, while this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
dramatically
decline to 1000 at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the period.
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IELTS academic the chart shows the fitness membership in 30 years period

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
164 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
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  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
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