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the graph show university graduates in Canada, 1992-2007

the graph show university graduates in Canada, 1992-2007 d99QP
The graph gives information about the figure for people who graduated from Canada's educational establishment between 1992 and 2007. Overall, it can be noted that there was the same trend for the number of university graduates both in male and female.  From 1992 to 1994,  university graduates in Canada rose slightly to approximately 10, 000 individuals in male and 5, 000 people in female.  And then, there was a decrease in the number of woman graduates from about 105, 000 to 100, 000 over the period of two years.  For the male graduates' number, it fell gradually about 10, 000 persons between 1996 and 1998.  In the following period of six years, the figure for female graduates increased sharply to about 40, 000 people.  On the other hand, there was only an insignificant increase from about 75, 000 to 95, 000. It is clear the number of female graduates was many times higher than males.  Although there was the same trend in both sexuals, the figure for males number still lower than females and it only rose about 25, 000 in over the period of 14-year.
The graph gives information about the figure for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who graduated from Canada's educational establishment between 1992 and 2007.

Overall
, it can
be noted
 that there was the same trend for the number of university graduates both in male and female.  From 1992 to 1994,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
university graduates in Canada rose
slightly
to approximately 10, 000 individuals in male and 5, 000 
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
 in female.  And then, there was a decrease in the number of woman graduates from about 105, 000 to 100, 000 over the period of two years.  For the male graduates' number, it fell
gradually
 about 10, 000 persons between 1996 and 1998.  In the following period of six years, the figure for female graduates increased
sharply
to about 40, 000
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.  
On the other hand
, there was 
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
an insignificant increase from about 75, 000 to 95, 000.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
the number of female graduates was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times higher than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
.  Although there was the same trend in both
Possible spelling mistake found.
sexuals
, the figure for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
number
still
lower than females and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
rose about 25, 000 in over the period of 14-year.
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IELTS academic the graph show university graduates in Canada, 1992-2007

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
155 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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