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The graph show the population growth in Australian cities from 1992 to 2017. Explain it.

The graph show the population growth in Australian cities from 1992 to 2017. Explain it. e3lrp
The graph illustrates the population alteration in three famous cities in Australia between 1992 and 2016. Overall, in every cities, the number of residents were rising. Besides, the difference between three cities in terms of population was much bigger in 2016 than in 1992. Concerning Sydney, in 1992, it was the highest number of all by approximately thirty thousands and, it had been able to maintain the same rank within seven years mainly because the number had been increasing drastically by about twenty thousands between 1998 and 2001. In addition to that, as for the Melbourne, roughly twenty thousands people only lived there in 1992. On the contrary, the number of inhabitants were going up significantly except for 2010-2013 and, it was about 110 thousands in 2016 which was the biggest number of all three cities followed by Sydney which was roughly 105 thousands. Next, considering Brisbane, in 1992, it was the second largest city of three popular areas. Yet, the number were fluctuating until 2004 by about forty thousands. Nevertheless, the population climbed up to more than sixty thousands in 2008 but, it suddenly declined by about fifty thousands in 2016 which was the smallest number of people of all three towns.
The graph illustrates the population alteration in three
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
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cities
in Australia between 1992 and 2016.
Overall
, in every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "city"?
cities
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of residents were rising.
Besides
, the difference between three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
in terms of population was much bigger in 2016 than in 1992.

Concerning Sydney, in 1992, it was the highest
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number
of all by approximately thirty thousands and, it had been able to maintain the same rank within seven years
mainly
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because
the
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number
had been increasing
drastically
by about twenty thousands between 1998 and 2001.
In addition
to that, as for the Melbourne, roughly twenty thousands
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
there in 1992.
On the contrary
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of inhabitants were going up
significantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
except for
2010-2013 and, it was about 110 thousands in 2016 which was the biggest
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number
of all three
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cities
followed by Sydney which was roughly 105 thousands.
Next
, considering Brisbane, in 1992, it was the second largest city of three popular areas.
Yet
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
were fluctuating until 2004 by about forty thousands.
Nevertheless
, the population climbed up to more than sixty thousands in 2008
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, it
suddenly
declined by about fifty thousands in 2016 which was the smallest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of all three towns.
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IELTS academic The graph show the population growth in Australian cities from 1992 to 2017. Explain it.

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
203 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
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  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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