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Graph illustrate the percentage of British people donating money to charity

Graph illustrate the percentage of British people donating money to charity BY0Jd
The graph illustrate the percentage of British people donating money to charity by age range in the year 1990 and 2010. Firstly, we still see about age 18 to 25. In the year of 1990 the donation was higher than 2010, which is between (15% - 20%) and (5% - 10%). This age group has donate minimum money comparatively other age groups 26 to 35 age range people has donated money which is between (30% - 35%) in 1990 year and in 2010 year it is between (20% - 25%). The next age range is 35 to 50, in this the people has donated highest money in 1990 year comparatively other age groups which is between (40% - 45%) and in 2010 it was 35%. In 1990 the people with 51 to 65 age they donated 35%, 2010 49%. The people with more than 65 age has donated 35% in 2010, 33% in 1990. So the maximum donation was in 1990 by 36 - 50 age people & minimum was in 2010 by 18 - 25 age range.
The graph
Possible agreement error - use third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "illustrates".
illustrate
the percentage of British
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people
donating
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money
to charity by
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age
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range
in the
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year
1990 and 2010.

Firstly
, we
still
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see
about
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age
18 to 25. In the
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year
of 1990 the donation was higher than 2010, which is between (15%
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
20%) and (5%
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-
10%). This
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age
group has
Use past participle here: "donated".
donate
minimum
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money
comparatively
other
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age
groups 26 to 35
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age
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range
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people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
has
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donated
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money
which is between (30%
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-
35%) in 1990
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year
and in 2010
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year
it is between (20%
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-
25%). The
next
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age
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range
is 35 to 50, in this the
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people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
has
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donated
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
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money
in 1990
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year
comparatively
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
groups which is between (40%
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
45%) and in 2010 it was 35%. In 1990 the
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people
with 51 to 65
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age
they
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donated
35%, 2010 49%. The
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people
with more than 65
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age
has
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donated
35% in 2010, 33% in 1990.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
the maximum donation was in 1990 by
Consider using an n-dash (half dash), if you want to indicate numerical ranges or time ranges.
36 - 50
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age
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people
& minimum was in 2010 by
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18 - 25
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age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
range
.
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IELTS academic Graph illustrate the percentage of British people donating money to charity

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
178 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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