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The graph illustrates the relationship between percentage of ownership of electrical apparatuses including washing machine, refrigerator

The graph illustrates the relationship between percentage of ownership of electrical apparatuses including washing machine, refrigerator 0E87O
The graph illustrates the relationship between percentage of ownership of electrical apparatuses including washing machine, refrigerator and vacuum cleaner against the duration time that spent for doing chores in individual country since 1920 to 2019. In 1920, the people spent around 50 hours per week to do the household task because of that year did not have widespread of electrical equipment to help people saving time. After that, the owner ship of electrical appliance dramatically increases in 1980 which affect to the number of hours of chores per week was sharply reduced to 15 hours in that time and rather stable until 2019. Conclusion, in my opinion the electrical appliances is very important for everyone because it can reduce the time that waste for doing the household task per week. Obviously seen from that data in this report that can confirm my perspective and inform everyone to know the benefit of equipment which can help you to do some chores.
The graph illustrates the relationship between percentage of ownership of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electrical
apparatuses including washing machine, refrigerator and vacuum cleaner against the duration
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
that spent for doing chores in individual country since 1920 to 2019.

In 1920, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
spent around 50 hours per week to do the household task
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of that year did not have widespread of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electrical
equipment to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
saving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. After that, the owner ship of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electrical
appliance
dramatically
increases in 1980 which affect to the number of hours of chores per week was
sharply
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
to 15 hours in that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and
rather
stable until 2019.

Conclusion, in my opinion the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electrical
appliances is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for everyone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
that waste for doing the household task per week.
Obviously
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from that data in this report that can confirm my perspective and inform everyone to know the benefit of equipment which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
chores.
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IELTS academic The graph illustrates the relationship between percentage of ownership of electrical apparatuses including washing machine, refrigerator

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
160 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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