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The graph illustrates the proportion of visitors to Scotland who went to four different tourist

The graph illustrates the proportion of visitors to Scotland who went to four different tourist bQ6r6
The graph illustrates the proportion of visitors to Scotland who went to four different tourist attractions in Edinburgh between 1980 and 2010. Overall, we can see the percentage visiting the Aquarium and Castle fluctuated significantly over the period, while the proportion of visitor to the other attractions fluctuate insignificantly. In 1980, only 10% of tourists to Scotland went to Edinburgh Zoo. Despite some minor variations, this figure rose from about 10% in 2000 to 20 % in 2010. The percentage visiting the Castle also increased from 24% in 1980 to almost 45% in 1995. However, this percentage the reduced to 45% and then to about 30 % in 2010, slightly higher than the percentage visting the Festival. Over the same period, the visitors to Scotland was the Festival very popular, this figure reached 30% in 1980. After that, in 2010 this percentage had fallen slightly to 26%. In 1980, this figure for visitor to the Zoo was 20%. It rose to a peak of about 35%, but this then decreased dramatically to less than 10% in 2010. Therefore, It has been become the least popular of the attractions at the and of the period.
The graph illustrates the proportion of
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visitors
to Scotland who went to four
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
tourist

attractions in Edinburgh between 1980 and 2010.

Overall
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the
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percentage
visiting the Aquarium and Castle fluctuated
significantly
over the period, while the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitor
to the other attractions fluctuate
insignificantly
.

In 1980,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
10% of tourists to Scotland went to Edinburgh Zoo. Despite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
minor variations, this figure rose from about 10% in 2000 to 20 % in 2010. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
visiting the Castle
also
increased from 24% in 1980 to almost 45% in 1995.
However
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
to 45% and then to about 30 % in 2010,
slightly
higher than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
Possible spelling mistake found.
visting
the Festival.

Over the same period, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
to Scotland was the Festival
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
popular, this figure reached 30% in 1980. After that, in 2010 this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
had fallen
slightly
to 26%. In 1980, this figure for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitor
to the Zoo was 20%. It rose to a peak of about 35%,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this then decreased
dramatically
to less than 10% in 2010.
Therefore
, It has
been become
the least popular of the attractions at the
Did you mean "end"?
and
of the period.
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IELTS academic The graph illustrates the proportion of visitors to Scotland who went to four different tourist

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
194 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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