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The graph illustrates the proportion of the population of people who are 65 years old and more than above in the three countries of the world.These countries are Japan,Sweden and USA.These ratio has been identified between the year 1940 to 2040.

The graph illustrates the proportion of the population of people who are 65 years old and more than above in the three countries of the world. These countries are Japan, Sweden and USA. These ratio has been identified between the year 1940 to 2040. VE1YJ
The graph illustrates the proportion of the population of people who are 65 years old and more than above in the three countries of the world. These countries are Japan, Sweden and USA. These ratio has been identified between the year 1940 to 2040. Overall, there was one of the most improvement in the population of aged 65 and above in the Japan while, in Sweden they have gradually increased this age group of population. On the other hand, USA found one of the least population of the same age group during the years 1940-2040. It is quite clear from the graph in USA, there was about 10 % of population who was 65 or 65 plus between the years 1940 to 1960. In the end of year 2040 it was found about of 25% growth in the population. Whereas, in Japan in the early 1940 it was 5% of the population proportion. During the year 2020 to 2040 it was found one of the highest increment of more than 25% in the population growth. Besides that in case of Sweden initially it was about 7 % in the year 1940. Then, it has increased rapidly up to 20 % in the year 2020. At the end of year 2040, the population of this age group was found about 25%,
The graph illustrates the proportion of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are 65 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
and more than above in the three countries of the world. These countries are Japan, Sweden and USA.
Did you mean "this ratio" or "These ratios"?
These ratio
has
been identified
between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
1940 to 2040.

Overall
, there was one of the most improvement in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
of aged 65 and above in the Japan while, in Sweden they have
gradually
increased this age group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
.
On the other hand
, USA
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
found
one of the least
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
of the same age group during the years 1940-2040.

It is quite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
from the graph
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the USA".
in USA
, there was about 10 % of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
who was 65 or 65 plus between the years 1940 to 1960. In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2040 it was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
found
about of 25% growth in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, in Japan in the early 1940 it was 5% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
proportion. During the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2020 to 2040 it was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
found
one of the highest increment of more than 25% in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
growth.

Besides
that in case of Sweden
initially
it was about 7 % in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
1940. Then, it has increased
rapidly
up to 20 % in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2020. At the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2040, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
of this age group was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
found
about 25%,
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IELTS academic The graph illustrates the proportion of the population of people who are 65 years old and more than above in the three countries of the world. These countries are Japan, Sweden and USA. These ratio has been identified between the year 1940 to 2040.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
220 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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