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The graph illustrates the number of visitors in four international museums from 1980 to 2015.

The graph illustrates the number of visitors in four international museums from 1980 to 2015. WyA6a
The graph illustrates the number of visitors in four international museums from 1980 to 2015. First of all, around 8 % of visitors were likely to visit Louvre. Compared to about 5 % of visitors in the Vatican museum, and 4 % of visitors for both London and Shenzhen museums in 1980. Surprisingly, the number of visitors both in London and Shenzhen museums had decreased from 1990 to 2000. But the number of visitors in the London science museum, seemed to continually decrease to 2% of visitors from 2000 to 2015. But from year 2000, Shenzhen museum Had increased the number of visitors and returned back to 4% of visitors in 2015. Overall, it is clear that the Louvre and Vatican museums had the most number of visitors, almost 10% of visitors from 1980 to 2015. However, both the London science museum and Shenzhen museum had the lowest number of visitors from 1980 to 2015.
The graph illustrates the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
in four international
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museums
from 1980 to 2015.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, around 8 % of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
were likely to visit Louvre. Compared to about 5 % of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
in the Vatican
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museum
, and 4 % of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
for both London and Shenzhen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
in 1980.
Surprisingly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
both in London and Shenzhen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
had decreased from 1990 to 2000.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
in the London science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
, seemed to
continually
decrease to 2% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
from 2000 to 2015.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
from year 2000, Shenzhen
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
museum


Had increased the
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number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
and
Consider using "returned".
returned back
to 4% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
in 2015.
Overall
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the Louvre and Vatican
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
had the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
, almost 10% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
from 1980 to 2015.
However
, both the London science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
and Shenzhen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
had the lowest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
from 1980 to 2015.
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IELTS academic The graph illustrates the number of visitors in four international museums from 1980 to 2015.

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
155 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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