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discribe the process of producing smoked fish

discribe the process of producing smoked fish JoWaD
The diagram describes how people produce smoked fish. Overall, there are many steps which begin by catching fish in the seas by fishermans and fishing by purchasing in supermarkets, fish shops or markets. Looking at the picture in more detail, in the first step, people go fishing in the seas or beaches. Then, fishes are shipped by boats to pack into big crates in the port. After that, people freeze fish to keep in good condition. Following that, after transferring to the factory, fishes are thawed into freshwater. Then, the workers cut open fishes and put them into saltwater with yellow colouring. Next, fishes are smoked by a baking machine. People maintain goods by packing fishes into packages, freezing them at 0 degrees C and preserving them at the cold store. Finally, people distribute their products to fish shops, supermarkets or markets.
The diagram
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describes
how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
produce smoked fish.
Overall
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
steps which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
by catching fish in the seas by
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "fishermen", the plural form of the noun 'fisherman'?
fishermans
and fishing by purchasing in supermarkets, fish shops or markets.

Looking at the picture in more detail, in the
first
step,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
go fishing in the seas or beaches. Then, fishes
are shipped
by boats to pack into
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
crates in the port. After that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
freeze fish to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
condition.

Following that, after transferring to the factory, fishes
are thawed
into freshwater. Then, the workers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
open fishes and put them into saltwater with yellow
Possible spelling mistake found.
colouring
.
Next
, fishes
are smoked
by a baking machine.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
maintain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
by packing fishes into packages, freezing them at 0 degrees C and preserving them at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
store.
Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
distribute their products to fish shops, supermarkets or markets.
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IELTS academic discribe the process of producing smoked fish

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
142 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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